... you may choose to make lemonade with it, but it still hurts like a mother when you get squirt in the eye along the way.
This past week or so was really really hard for me. On the exercise front, I am proud of how I did, and eating too, but everything kind of came crashing down yesterday when I spent an hour trying to calm a screaming baby with the loudest construction happening right below her window, and when she finally went to sleep I totally overate. Then it hit me just how hard it has been the past 10 days or so, and how much I need to process.
I already shared in my last post what had been happening sleep-wise at the start of our vacation. That continued until we came home the following Saturday, although Daniel let me sleep in a separate room a couple nights so I could at least get some more sleep, which helped some (I still woke some though). Thursday I stubbed my toe so hard that I spent a few hours believing I had broken it. This was also scary for me. After talking to a friend who recently broke her toe, and after hours of elevating, icing, resting, etc. the next morning I woke up and it felt a whole lot better - no bruising, no swelling, mobility, etc. I still stayed off of it for 2 more days after that, but now I am quite sure it's not broken and pretty much have full mobility back (in terms of walking around and doing normal activity). I think I just stubbed it really hard.
Layered on top of this was not only anxiety about spending some condensed time with a family member who pushes my boundaries, and around whom I have to work hard to protect those boundaries. I found out that a couple that Daniel and I care a lot about are splitting up, and I also had some painful encounters with 2 other family members who I care a lot about, but who are making or have made bad choices. I've spent most of my life trying to fix them and am only recently realizing how much I have lost by trying to do that, and am now instead trying to just grieve what is not.
And it just hurts.
Most of last week I was not in a position to actually feel that grief - just kind of had to see it, let go of trying to fix it, and then put it away until I could actually process it. But you know, grief just sucks to feel, and it's so much easier to put it out of mind if it's out of sight. So once we were away from the family members and I would have actually had space to process I completely forgot about processing it. Except that I felt depressed. And then starting this past Sunday it started to build more. And then yesterday (Mon) it built even more. When the whole loud construction "nap" was not happening yesterday, and I got so upset afterwards, it was so noticeable to me that I couldn't help but sit back and think, "whoa... ok something is really not ok." Then when I began to write out all that had been going on in the last 10 days, it sank in how much stress I've been under, how much pain I've pushed down, and how much I need to process.
In a lot of ways this shows me that I actually have made a whole lot of progress this past month with my emotional eating. For one thing, I realized that it has been a whole 4 weeks of not overeating at all! That's a pretty big deal for me. For another thing, it only took one time of overeating to realize something was wrong, and I was actually able to identify it and begin processing it. I've battled depression in my life several times, and - although painful - it feels good this time to connect the depressed feeling to actual feelings underneath and begin to stir those up instead of feeling trapped in this numb, dead feeling. At least it feels more alive, and there is some fresh air and hope. But I still hate grieving. Hate it.
Anyway.
Exercise. I am proud of myself for the past week, how I dealt with everything that came my way. Up in the mountains, I was able to do shred a few times (when we were staying in a cabin), I did a couple runs that were really challenging, and I took a few hikes. Yet at the same time I rested instead of working out when I was lacking sleep, and when I injured my foot I completely rested it and didn't do anything for a few days. One of the days I was resting my foot, I did crunches and pushups to challenge myself, instead of giving up on doing a workout completely. I was flexible and enjoyed being on vacation and with others, and didn't go to either extreme of completely abandoning my workouts and overeating, or holding on so tight to my scheduled workouts that my schedule has trouble meshing with the group schedule (both of which I've done in the past). Sunday I was starting to feel the motivational inertia of taking time off from working out (plus the depression), so I figured out something I could do that would still give my foot a break but let me get a workout: I went to the pool and swam some laps for about 25 minutes (which felt great - my triceps were KILLING me!! Shred just isn't the same as swimming!) Yesterday I tried "shred" again, and my foot was fine, so today I did half of my usual run and it is still fine. I think I can go back to normal exercising now. I am proud of myself for not giving up completely, but not pushing myself too hard and listening to my lack of sleep and my injury and letting myself rest.
Eating. I am also proud of how I've been eating, even though I could feel really discouraged that I overate yesterday. Looking back at the last week, I realize how much stress I was under, and am so pleased that I didn't turn to food like I could have. Instead, I realize that I have grown in using my voice to set boundaries (rather than using food to deal with frustration when boundaries are crossed), and in letting go of things I can't change (still far from perfect in this area, but a lot further than I used to be).
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
A Thought-Gathering Post
I haven't posted in a few days and may not post for a few more, although it's not because I haven't been exercising. But this post isn't exactly organized, or even all that focused on exercise, so feel free to skip it if you're not interested. I need to vent a little I guess.
I'm frustrated because I'm starting to get sick, and sleep has been falling apart. I'm starting to feel discouraged. Right now we are up in the mountains with family, and it was supposed to be a fun vacation. Some parts have been fun, but overall I am miserable. We came up Saturday to my dad and stepmom's condo. We were joined the next day by my in-laws, and the plan was to stay here until Tue, when we'd all drive another couple hours to Bridgeport where my stepdad's extended family are camping all week. We'd camp 2 nights, come back to the condo on Thursday, stay 1 or 2 more nights here and then drive home.
But.
It has not been going well at ALL in the sleep department. Thursday Naomi came down with a fever, and we still aren't sure what she had (it broke the next morning) but we suspect roseola (virus), plus possibly teething. So she was up a lot Thurs night, and for long periods. Friday night was bad again; although she was feeling better, maybe her body was still "off" from how she slept Thursday. Saturday she woke up super early and the whole day's routine of napping and eating was thrown off. We left at 5:30 pm for the mountains and she didn't fall asleep til 10 pm - waaaay past her usual bedtime. I tried to sleep in the car (it's a 6+ hour drive), but that was not very successful and we had to stop several times. We pulled in at 1:30 am, when we had to transition her to bed, which involved more crying and nursing, etc. I slept from 2am - 6am, when she woke up. She went back to sleep but I didn't.
Sunday I tried to nap when she did, but only slept 30-40 minutes both times. Then Sunday night, I went to bed early to try and make up for the lost sleep, so I laid down at 9:30, only to be woken up at 10:30 and 11:30 by a baby whose bowels seemed to be really hurting her, poor thing. Slept from about 12 to 3am, when she woke up again, and now it's 10:30 am and I have been awake almost 8 hours already. This isn't even mentioning some of the really difficult relational situations I've been put in the last couple days.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
This is really NOT enough sleep for me. I did run Sat morning, and did Shred 1 Sunday afternoon, but I skipped my run this morning. We're going to try and hike now. I tried to take a nap just now but when Naomi woke up 20 minutes after we put her down for her 9am nap (to which she barely made it, eyes slamming shut, so I don't know why she woke up... maybe the LOUD CONSTRUCTION we discovered they will be doing on the roof all week? grr). She's wide awake now and I'm too worked up about it all to nap, so we're going to hike and try to nap after that.
I've been keeping up with my workouts otherwise, and I had stuff to say about them, but now I am just so mad about this whole sleep thing I can't remember what I was going to say. I don't know if we're going to stay up here all week, like we'd planned, because I definitely can't go 5 more nights like this. But that is so disappointing!
Anyway, I wanted to check in; apologies for the not-very-workout-related post. I'd love to sit and read other people's posts some time soon, and respond. Maybe that will happen someday...
I'm frustrated because I'm starting to get sick, and sleep has been falling apart. I'm starting to feel discouraged. Right now we are up in the mountains with family, and it was supposed to be a fun vacation. Some parts have been fun, but overall I am miserable. We came up Saturday to my dad and stepmom's condo. We were joined the next day by my in-laws, and the plan was to stay here until Tue, when we'd all drive another couple hours to Bridgeport where my stepdad's extended family are camping all week. We'd camp 2 nights, come back to the condo on Thursday, stay 1 or 2 more nights here and then drive home.
But.
It has not been going well at ALL in the sleep department. Thursday Naomi came down with a fever, and we still aren't sure what she had (it broke the next morning) but we suspect roseola (virus), plus possibly teething. So she was up a lot Thurs night, and for long periods. Friday night was bad again; although she was feeling better, maybe her body was still "off" from how she slept Thursday. Saturday she woke up super early and the whole day's routine of napping and eating was thrown off. We left at 5:30 pm for the mountains and she didn't fall asleep til 10 pm - waaaay past her usual bedtime. I tried to sleep in the car (it's a 6+ hour drive), but that was not very successful and we had to stop several times. We pulled in at 1:30 am, when we had to transition her to bed, which involved more crying and nursing, etc. I slept from 2am - 6am, when she woke up. She went back to sleep but I didn't.
Sunday I tried to nap when she did, but only slept 30-40 minutes both times. Then Sunday night, I went to bed early to try and make up for the lost sleep, so I laid down at 9:30, only to be woken up at 10:30 and 11:30 by a baby whose bowels seemed to be really hurting her, poor thing. Slept from about 12 to 3am, when she woke up again, and now it's 10:30 am and I have been awake almost 8 hours already. This isn't even mentioning some of the really difficult relational situations I've been put in the last couple days.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
This is really NOT enough sleep for me. I did run Sat morning, and did Shred 1 Sunday afternoon, but I skipped my run this morning. We're going to try and hike now. I tried to take a nap just now but when Naomi woke up 20 minutes after we put her down for her 9am nap (to which she barely made it, eyes slamming shut, so I don't know why she woke up... maybe the LOUD CONSTRUCTION we discovered they will be doing on the roof all week? grr). She's wide awake now and I'm too worked up about it all to nap, so we're going to hike and try to nap after that.
I've been keeping up with my workouts otherwise, and I had stuff to say about them, but now I am just so mad about this whole sleep thing I can't remember what I was going to say. I don't know if we're going to stay up here all week, like we'd planned, because I definitely can't go 5 more nights like this. But that is so disappointing!
Anyway, I wanted to check in; apologies for the not-very-workout-related post. I'd love to sit and read other people's posts some time soon, and respond. Maybe that will happen someday...
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Long Post from Katie P
Uh, so I didn't get to reading and responding yesterday as I was needed in Mommy form. Hopefully I'll be able to do that tonight.
Exercise: Ran 2 mi this morning, plus crunches and pushups (I'm back up to 2 sets - 15 and 17, non-girl pushups). Got a short nap.
Eating: Continues to amaze me, this feeling of freedom. It is going so well that I am hesitant to even write about it, out of a faint superstitious belief that it will "all fall apart" if I talk about it out loud. I am almost in disbelief at how often a tall, cold glass of ice water is actually what I needed, when I would have *sworn* 5 minutes before that I was feeling tired because FOOD would be the only thing that would help me! It is also funny to me how quickly that whole big glass of water can be suddenly empty again - I am thirstier than I realized I guess. I find myself feeling surprised that I don't need to eat as much in a day as I thought I did, though I am still figuring out how much I need. I've tried "eating intuitively" before, and this time I am finding that a tad more structure than I used to use helps me - I am eating at mealtimes (rather than completely ignoring the clock and eating whenever hungry), and I'm starting with just a normal meal-sized portion (rather than going bite by bite to see how hungry/full I am).
The latest bend in the road is that today I began to feel a bit unsure about hunger and full. I ate a snack around 4pm (I found at the end of last week that I usually need this in order to get me through to dinner, or else I get too hungry). Then I met up with Daniel at a street market, where we got food. I ordered a tamale that was too small, so went back and ordered 2 more after I ate the first one. After eating the 2nd one, I felt good to go, but I wasn't sure if I should eat the 3rd one. The last two nights, I've felt quite hungry right before bed, so I ate the 3rd one thinking it might help me avoid that. But then I felt full. Then I got home and felt dissatisfied. Was I hungry? Was I just worried? Augh!! Now that I write it out, I think I just got too worried about it all. My stomach can stretch for this reason, and it's ok if sometimes I eat a bit too much, and other times don't eat quite enough. It's not the end of the world, and I shouldn't get so focused on every twinge I feel. I want to build a pattern I can sustain over the long haul, and that has to be flexible. So I'm going to look at tonight as a flex. Those nights I went to bed hungry were fine, and tonight I don't think I'll go to bed hungry and that's probably fine too.
Jess - Thanks for your suggestion about the hammock! I think you'd mentioned that to me before and I'd forgotten it. We actually don't have any string hammocks, only cloth ones, but thankfully the a/c is still working fine (plus it hasn't been quite as hot) so swaddling has been fine.
Thanks also for what you shared about re: beliefs about your writing. Yes it is so freeing to see the trap and then be able to walk around it! It's funny: just yesterday while getting my hair cut, a lady made the off-hand comment, "Don't you just wish you were a baby again - no worries, no responsibilities." (not totally random - Naomi was sitting there :) ) And while on the one hand I totally get this and agree, still more of me feels like, "There is no way in heck I'd like to be a baby again!" Partly because it would mean going through childhood and adolescence all over again, and all that drama, and I'm so glad I don't have to relive high school! :) But partly because maturity is really great and I enjoy it! This being able to see a belief and walk around it is one of those abilities gained through time and experience that I would be very sorry to lose, just for the sake of having less responsibility! No thanks!
I'm so glad your surgery went so well! I think superpower is a great word for it :) It gave me a new and deeper awe of Jesus, going around simply touching eyes and bringing sight, just reading what you wrote - I can't imagine what it must be like for you! It's so funny how connected all our body parts are, that lifting weights can put more strain on the eyes! Makes sense, but interesting. Hearing yet another positive report of Lasik tips my "thinking about it" scale just a bit more... maybe someday I'll do it. I have to admit that one negative thing in my brain is how freaked out I think I would be at having to keep my eyes open during the procedure. Was that a big deal for you? or not?
Amie - Thank you so much for the update on Julie. I'm so sorry she is still in ICU and not getting to cuddle her little one, but so thankful she is still alive! Is her life still at risk, or is it now a matter of salvaging the functioning of as many organs as possible? Your time in MT and your upcoming camping sound crazy to me, but I hope you enjoy it! :) I love Montana - Daniel's brother has lived there for about 6 years, and we've spent a few weeks there before. It's beautiful.
Katie - I smiled when I read your comment about CA homes not having A/C - that IS the nice thing about places like TX or other hot places... because of the incredible heat, they have a/c in every home! Good for you for adapting so that you can still work out, even while you can't get outside. And what a great feeling to see how much stronger you've become (with the Prevention DVD)!
I definitely HATE working out in the evenings. Not only am I more tired physically, but mentally I am winding down for the day and working out isn't exactly relaxing or fun in my mind. I like to work out first thing in the morning because it gets it out of the way, honestly. I think it also boosts me up, and I feel good about the fact that I exercised, which gets me more pumped for the day. Also I love mornings (always smells fresh, cool air, etc) so when I'm exercising outside I enjoy being out in the early morning. But I think your idea about doing workouts during naptime to help yourself with depression feelings and the pull of eating might be a great solution.
Emily - So glad karate is going well, and that you are not pushing yourself to do more. In terms of overall health (including body AND heart/soul/mind), it sounds like you are really nailing it by managing your stress and not trying to do too much.
That's hilarious about "Women at Large"! ha!
Great point about your lack of internet being a blessing because it kept you from "checking out" - I'm glad you mentioned that. I always find that when I give up Internet for a bit, I feel so much better! And yet it always sucks me back in. It's so much like me and sugar, now that I think about it! I feel so much better when I'm not eating sweets (which for me translates into eating them rarely - as opposed to never - but in my head I have to think of it as, "I don't eat sweets," or else I will get sucked into eating them waaaay too often and too much :) ). However, while life without sweets is workable for me, I just don't think life without Internet would work in my home... :) (But I can't put all the blame on my programming husband - I don't want to give it up either!) But it is something for me to think about.
Okay, I just read that your blender broke - WOOHOO!!!!!! :) :) I can't WAIT to come see your Vitamix!! :) :) Ok, now I read the rest of your entry and realized that you aren't sure if you're going to get it. In some ways I don't want to give advice because I don't know your specific financial situation, so maybe it is not a good idea for you guys to get it. But if you're asking for general, fairly uninformed input, I would say get it! I hope this isn't faulty or ungodly reasoning, but I don't think that spending money on pleasurable things is wrong. It can be just as sinful to be fastidious about something as it is to gorge yourself on it - pleasure is meant to be enjoyed but not glorified, and it can be glorified when we attach ourselves too tightly to it and require it, as well as when we focus too much on restricting or forbidding it. My thinking is: this blender will last you for the rest of your life (or a super long time at least), and I am sure you will not only get many many enjoyable "moments" from it, enjoying a smoothie or something else, but also you will be nourishing your family both in body and spirit - those green smoothies are great for them, and I bet they really enjoy them too. So I think it's an investment that is worth it. But again, I don't know your financial situation, and obviously there are plenty of things that should come before pleasure - a family needs food, babies need diapers, you need a car and gas in it, etc. But if there isn't a real, tangible expense or debt that would keep you from buying this, but rather it is just a fear of spending a lot of money on something you will enjoy, I say spit in the face of the temptation to idolize frugality and buy the Vitamix and enjoy it every time you use it!
(...um... hope that was not too strong. I just read a discussion on Facebook about how Christians should not wear shorts to church if they love God and I think it got me a little too fired up when I came to thinking about your Vitamix. So take what I said with a grain of salt. :) )
Yolanda - I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to go through as much transition as it sounds like you have recently gone through (in your academic and family life). That's a lot to swallow and digest and jump into (sorry for mixing my metaphors there, but they all seem appropriate). Good for you for determining to start again, with taking care of your body. You're right about the fact that you and your family will all be glad you did. I think in terms of my own inspiration, once I get in a routine, sticking with the routine just keeps me rolling, but when I get OUT of a routine and need to start again, I have been motivated in the past by looking at a picture of myself from a healthier time. But what's worked more effectively I think is just knowing it's taking me to a place I'd rather be, regardless of what I feel like now, because for me so much of being successful at staying fit and healthy is just doing it, whether I feel like it or not, and this attitude keys into that. I don't know how helpful that will be, but it's what's true for me. Other ideas for motivation: get some gear you enjoy (clothes or shoes or a headband) - it's actually gotten me out of bed in the morning because I was eager to wear my new swimsuit for swimming laps! Or give yourself some treat for working out - maybe a once a week dessert treat, or a luxurious bath or maybe a smaller daily treat. I know of someone who bought small sizes of a really expensive body wash and hair products that she loved but she put them in her gym bag and only let herself use them after she'd worked out as her treat.
Exercise: Ran 2 mi this morning, plus crunches and pushups (I'm back up to 2 sets - 15 and 17, non-girl pushups). Got a short nap.
Eating: Continues to amaze me, this feeling of freedom. It is going so well that I am hesitant to even write about it, out of a faint superstitious belief that it will "all fall apart" if I talk about it out loud. I am almost in disbelief at how often a tall, cold glass of ice water is actually what I needed, when I would have *sworn* 5 minutes before that I was feeling tired because FOOD would be the only thing that would help me! It is also funny to me how quickly that whole big glass of water can be suddenly empty again - I am thirstier than I realized I guess. I find myself feeling surprised that I don't need to eat as much in a day as I thought I did, though I am still figuring out how much I need. I've tried "eating intuitively" before, and this time I am finding that a tad more structure than I used to use helps me - I am eating at mealtimes (rather than completely ignoring the clock and eating whenever hungry), and I'm starting with just a normal meal-sized portion (rather than going bite by bite to see how hungry/full I am).
The latest bend in the road is that today I began to feel a bit unsure about hunger and full. I ate a snack around 4pm (I found at the end of last week that I usually need this in order to get me through to dinner, or else I get too hungry). Then I met up with Daniel at a street market, where we got food. I ordered a tamale that was too small, so went back and ordered 2 more after I ate the first one. After eating the 2nd one, I felt good to go, but I wasn't sure if I should eat the 3rd one. The last two nights, I've felt quite hungry right before bed, so I ate the 3rd one thinking it might help me avoid that. But then I felt full. Then I got home and felt dissatisfied. Was I hungry? Was I just worried? Augh!! Now that I write it out, I think I just got too worried about it all. My stomach can stretch for this reason, and it's ok if sometimes I eat a bit too much, and other times don't eat quite enough. It's not the end of the world, and I shouldn't get so focused on every twinge I feel. I want to build a pattern I can sustain over the long haul, and that has to be flexible. So I'm going to look at tonight as a flex. Those nights I went to bed hungry were fine, and tonight I don't think I'll go to bed hungry and that's probably fine too.
Jess - Thanks for your suggestion about the hammock! I think you'd mentioned that to me before and I'd forgotten it. We actually don't have any string hammocks, only cloth ones, but thankfully the a/c is still working fine (plus it hasn't been quite as hot) so swaddling has been fine.
Thanks also for what you shared about re: beliefs about your writing. Yes it is so freeing to see the trap and then be able to walk around it! It's funny: just yesterday while getting my hair cut, a lady made the off-hand comment, "Don't you just wish you were a baby again - no worries, no responsibilities." (not totally random - Naomi was sitting there :) ) And while on the one hand I totally get this and agree, still more of me feels like, "There is no way in heck I'd like to be a baby again!" Partly because it would mean going through childhood and adolescence all over again, and all that drama, and I'm so glad I don't have to relive high school! :) But partly because maturity is really great and I enjoy it! This being able to see a belief and walk around it is one of those abilities gained through time and experience that I would be very sorry to lose, just for the sake of having less responsibility! No thanks!
I'm so glad your surgery went so well! I think superpower is a great word for it :) It gave me a new and deeper awe of Jesus, going around simply touching eyes and bringing sight, just reading what you wrote - I can't imagine what it must be like for you! It's so funny how connected all our body parts are, that lifting weights can put more strain on the eyes! Makes sense, but interesting. Hearing yet another positive report of Lasik tips my "thinking about it" scale just a bit more... maybe someday I'll do it. I have to admit that one negative thing in my brain is how freaked out I think I would be at having to keep my eyes open during the procedure. Was that a big deal for you? or not?
Amie - Thank you so much for the update on Julie. I'm so sorry she is still in ICU and not getting to cuddle her little one, but so thankful she is still alive! Is her life still at risk, or is it now a matter of salvaging the functioning of as many organs as possible? Your time in MT and your upcoming camping sound crazy to me, but I hope you enjoy it! :) I love Montana - Daniel's brother has lived there for about 6 years, and we've spent a few weeks there before. It's beautiful.
Katie - I smiled when I read your comment about CA homes not having A/C - that IS the nice thing about places like TX or other hot places... because of the incredible heat, they have a/c in every home! Good for you for adapting so that you can still work out, even while you can't get outside. And what a great feeling to see how much stronger you've become (with the Prevention DVD)!
I definitely HATE working out in the evenings. Not only am I more tired physically, but mentally I am winding down for the day and working out isn't exactly relaxing or fun in my mind. I like to work out first thing in the morning because it gets it out of the way, honestly. I think it also boosts me up, and I feel good about the fact that I exercised, which gets me more pumped for the day. Also I love mornings (always smells fresh, cool air, etc) so when I'm exercising outside I enjoy being out in the early morning. But I think your idea about doing workouts during naptime to help yourself with depression feelings and the pull of eating might be a great solution.
Emily - So glad karate is going well, and that you are not pushing yourself to do more. In terms of overall health (including body AND heart/soul/mind), it sounds like you are really nailing it by managing your stress and not trying to do too much.
That's hilarious about "Women at Large"! ha!
Great point about your lack of internet being a blessing because it kept you from "checking out" - I'm glad you mentioned that. I always find that when I give up Internet for a bit, I feel so much better! And yet it always sucks me back in. It's so much like me and sugar, now that I think about it! I feel so much better when I'm not eating sweets (which for me translates into eating them rarely - as opposed to never - but in my head I have to think of it as, "I don't eat sweets," or else I will get sucked into eating them waaaay too often and too much :) ). However, while life without sweets is workable for me, I just don't think life without Internet would work in my home... :) (But I can't put all the blame on my programming husband - I don't want to give it up either!) But it is something for me to think about.
Okay, I just read that your blender broke - WOOHOO!!!!!! :) :) I can't WAIT to come see your Vitamix!! :) :) Ok, now I read the rest of your entry and realized that you aren't sure if you're going to get it. In some ways I don't want to give advice because I don't know your specific financial situation, so maybe it is not a good idea for you guys to get it. But if you're asking for general, fairly uninformed input, I would say get it! I hope this isn't faulty or ungodly reasoning, but I don't think that spending money on pleasurable things is wrong. It can be just as sinful to be fastidious about something as it is to gorge yourself on it - pleasure is meant to be enjoyed but not glorified, and it can be glorified when we attach ourselves too tightly to it and require it, as well as when we focus too much on restricting or forbidding it. My thinking is: this blender will last you for the rest of your life (or a super long time at least), and I am sure you will not only get many many enjoyable "moments" from it, enjoying a smoothie or something else, but also you will be nourishing your family both in body and spirit - those green smoothies are great for them, and I bet they really enjoy them too. So I think it's an investment that is worth it. But again, I don't know your financial situation, and obviously there are plenty of things that should come before pleasure - a family needs food, babies need diapers, you need a car and gas in it, etc. But if there isn't a real, tangible expense or debt that would keep you from buying this, but rather it is just a fear of spending a lot of money on something you will enjoy, I say spit in the face of the temptation to idolize frugality and buy the Vitamix and enjoy it every time you use it!
(...um... hope that was not too strong. I just read a discussion on Facebook about how Christians should not wear shorts to church if they love God and I think it got me a little too fired up when I came to thinking about your Vitamix. So take what I said with a grain of salt. :) )
Yolanda - I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to go through as much transition as it sounds like you have recently gone through (in your academic and family life). That's a lot to swallow and digest and jump into (sorry for mixing my metaphors there, but they all seem appropriate). Good for you for determining to start again, with taking care of your body. You're right about the fact that you and your family will all be glad you did. I think in terms of my own inspiration, once I get in a routine, sticking with the routine just keeps me rolling, but when I get OUT of a routine and need to start again, I have been motivated in the past by looking at a picture of myself from a healthier time. But what's worked more effectively I think is just knowing it's taking me to a place I'd rather be, regardless of what I feel like now, because for me so much of being successful at staying fit and healthy is just doing it, whether I feel like it or not, and this attitude keys into that. I don't know how helpful that will be, but it's what's true for me. Other ideas for motivation: get some gear you enjoy (clothes or shoes or a headband) - it's actually gotten me out of bed in the morning because I was eager to wear my new swimsuit for swimming laps! Or give yourself some treat for working out - maybe a once a week dessert treat, or a luxurious bath or maybe a smaller daily treat. I know of someone who bought small sizes of a really expensive body wash and hair products that she loved but she put them in her gym bag and only let herself use them after she'd worked out as her treat.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Now I'm Going to Shower...
Blech - I do not like it when I don't go shower right after working out. Now it's been 20 minutes that I've spent sitting here reading blogs and I am still not clean. What is it about that little decision? It is so important! Ok, after this it's on.
Running was great today. I always forget that while I'm running it's not as pleasant, but I think that is also because I am going slightly faster than I used to, and I am pushing a stroller. But I feel great when I'm done and doing something unpleasant for only 4 half-mile straightaways is actually over pretty quickly so I don't have to have that much fortitude. Whenever I'm not running (and am feeling good from said running), I think to myself, "I should increase my mileage!" Whenever I am actually running, I think to myself, "I am so glad I am only going 2 miles today!"
Coming home means the workout is still far from over, because I have to get the stroller folded and in the trunk of the car with one hand (baby in the other hand - bonus points today since a wriggly, spitting up baby is more difficult to manage than a sleeping baby) AND push-ups and sit-ups. Focused on keeping my core solid today during sit-ups (neck straight thru abs), and they were harder. Also, I was surprised today that I was able to eke out all 20 push-ups in a row for both sets. I did have more of a break after running than I did over the weekend (because of putting stroller away, walking upstairs and texting someone a few times). Maybe that helped. But I am also convinced that those last few shaky, super-slow reps actually do something to build strength. Huh.
Also walked a mile yesterday with Naomi in back carrier, doing errands. I love having her on my back rather than my front, and she loves it too because she can see more, so it's a win-win. Daniel worked a long day, so I had a 12-hour mommy shift and was feeling pretty wiped by the end of the day. Add in miscommunication between the two of us, and the fact that this upcoming weekend will be his first weekend out of town since Naomi was born (which makes me sad - missing him - and nervous - single parenting scares me), and I nibbled dried fruit and almonds until bedtime when I was not hungry. Bummer. But on the other hand, before that all day yesterday was good for me, eating-wise. Not perfect, but good and healthy overall (meaning how I ate, not what I ate - what I eat is generally pretty healthy). I was hungry for dinner and actually made a yummy one, and that was neat.
I still feel anxiety about this weekend. I guess the good thing is that it does keep me more connected to God, since I feel more needy. But feeling needy sure isn't fun.
Running was great today. I always forget that while I'm running it's not as pleasant, but I think that is also because I am going slightly faster than I used to, and I am pushing a stroller. But I feel great when I'm done and doing something unpleasant for only 4 half-mile straightaways is actually over pretty quickly so I don't have to have that much fortitude. Whenever I'm not running (and am feeling good from said running), I think to myself, "I should increase my mileage!" Whenever I am actually running, I think to myself, "I am so glad I am only going 2 miles today!"
Coming home means the workout is still far from over, because I have to get the stroller folded and in the trunk of the car with one hand (baby in the other hand - bonus points today since a wriggly, spitting up baby is more difficult to manage than a sleeping baby) AND push-ups and sit-ups. Focused on keeping my core solid today during sit-ups (neck straight thru abs), and they were harder. Also, I was surprised today that I was able to eke out all 20 push-ups in a row for both sets. I did have more of a break after running than I did over the weekend (because of putting stroller away, walking upstairs and texting someone a few times). Maybe that helped. But I am also convinced that those last few shaky, super-slow reps actually do something to build strength. Huh.
Also walked a mile yesterday with Naomi in back carrier, doing errands. I love having her on my back rather than my front, and she loves it too because she can see more, so it's a win-win. Daniel worked a long day, so I had a 12-hour mommy shift and was feeling pretty wiped by the end of the day. Add in miscommunication between the two of us, and the fact that this upcoming weekend will be his first weekend out of town since Naomi was born (which makes me sad - missing him - and nervous - single parenting scares me), and I nibbled dried fruit and almonds until bedtime when I was not hungry. Bummer. But on the other hand, before that all day yesterday was good for me, eating-wise. Not perfect, but good and healthy overall (meaning how I ate, not what I ate - what I eat is generally pretty healthy). I was hungry for dinner and actually made a yummy one, and that was neat.
I still feel anxiety about this weekend. I guess the good thing is that it does keep me more connected to God, since I feel more needy. But feeling needy sure isn't fun.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Back At It
Friday - Day 3: Shred Workout 1
Saturday - 2.2-mile run, 2x50 sit-ups (each set = 25 center, 25 rotating side to side), 2x20 push-ups (could only do 20 and 17). I forgot to note before that I did the sit-ups and push-ups on Thursday too.
Sunday - rest
Monday - 2.2-mile run, sit-ups, push-ups (this time did 19, 15 and 3 on the push-ups - really tough! I could not finish each set, so just took a rest and did the final 3 to make a total of 40)
Today I did Workout 1 again, for Day 6 of the month (modified: half of the 2nd set of pushups on knees; used dumbbells on all the cardio, not just final set). It definitely felt harder. Still using the 5-lb weights throughout, although I forgot to mention before that on the anterior raises + side lunges I only use one weight for both hands (and it STILL kills my shoulders!)
We were out of town over the weekend, and I found that I really loved that my morning has jelled into a routine (wake-up, nurse, workout, shower, breakfast). Normally when I'm visiting my family I tend to stay in my pajamas for so long in the morning that, although it's relaxing at first, eventually it makes me feel sluggish and almost always, the rest of the day feels lethargic and not as satisfying because I'm just kind of lounging my way through the day. I like relaxing, but I tend to OD on it when visiting my fam, and too much of anything is yucky. This time I stuck to my morning routine and I felt like it balanced things out more.
I saw some cyclists over the weekend and man did it make me miss cycling! That would be a fun thing to work back into a workout schedule somehow, but I'm not sure when that will be feasible.
Also, I wanted to mention that eating went great over the weekend. The situation I was anxious about went really well - I was able to stay planted internally and not get triggered.
Jess - that's an interesting thing to ponder, about our bodies someday aging. I don't spend much time thinking about it, but I think it will be tough. I know I grieved a lot after Naomi was first born (and when I was sick) because there was so much I could no longer do - and it wasn't like it was bad stuff, it was GOOD stuff! And I couldn't do it. I do sometimes look at Daniel's and my parents, watching them as they age. In the last several years, I've heard each of them talk about it more (they are all in or approaching their 60's). I've observed several different ways of handling that transition, and definitely see some things I do not want to do, and some things I hope and pray I can do. I've seen denial (a strong back-turn to pretend like s/he is half his age and mask the aging process), premature resignation (abandoning attempts to continue doing some healthy things because "I'm just getting old anyway") - I'm not quite sure which of these two responses makes me more sad. But I've also seen modeled a struggle that is somewhere in between - acceptance, but still (a reasonable amount of) fighting to stay as strong and healthy as s/he can. I hope I can do that last one - grief with acceptance, and embracing some of the new joys that come with aging (like wisdom, grandchildren, more time for yourself or others now that your kids are grown, etc). I do think that some things (like having a new heavenly body) can reassure us if we intellectually accept them, even if we don't fully "get" it yet.
Also, thanks for the tip on the side lunges! I'll try that. I did find this morning that straightening my other leg fully seemed to help with the twisting I think I was doing.
Katie - I know exactly what you mean about it being harder to care for yourself if you've already "blown" it. This is one way I see my inner critical voice, and how it can perpetuate some things like overeating. I'm so sorry to hear about your teeth problems, and I hope you're able to get some relief soon.
Now I hear what sounds like a cute puppy whimpering over the monitor, meaning Naomi is awake and REALLY wants to play. Better go :)
Saturday - 2.2-mile run, 2x50 sit-ups (each set = 25 center, 25 rotating side to side), 2x20 push-ups (could only do 20 and 17). I forgot to note before that I did the sit-ups and push-ups on Thursday too.
Sunday - rest
Monday - 2.2-mile run, sit-ups, push-ups (this time did 19, 15 and 3 on the push-ups - really tough! I could not finish each set, so just took a rest and did the final 3 to make a total of 40)
Today I did Workout 1 again, for Day 6 of the month (modified: half of the 2nd set of pushups on knees; used dumbbells on all the cardio, not just final set). It definitely felt harder. Still using the 5-lb weights throughout, although I forgot to mention before that on the anterior raises + side lunges I only use one weight for both hands (and it STILL kills my shoulders!)
We were out of town over the weekend, and I found that I really loved that my morning has jelled into a routine (wake-up, nurse, workout, shower, breakfast). Normally when I'm visiting my family I tend to stay in my pajamas for so long in the morning that, although it's relaxing at first, eventually it makes me feel sluggish and almost always, the rest of the day feels lethargic and not as satisfying because I'm just kind of lounging my way through the day. I like relaxing, but I tend to OD on it when visiting my fam, and too much of anything is yucky. This time I stuck to my morning routine and I felt like it balanced things out more.
I saw some cyclists over the weekend and man did it make me miss cycling! That would be a fun thing to work back into a workout schedule somehow, but I'm not sure when that will be feasible.
Also, I wanted to mention that eating went great over the weekend. The situation I was anxious about went really well - I was able to stay planted internally and not get triggered.
Jess - that's an interesting thing to ponder, about our bodies someday aging. I don't spend much time thinking about it, but I think it will be tough. I know I grieved a lot after Naomi was first born (and when I was sick) because there was so much I could no longer do - and it wasn't like it was bad stuff, it was GOOD stuff! And I couldn't do it. I do sometimes look at Daniel's and my parents, watching them as they age. In the last several years, I've heard each of them talk about it more (they are all in or approaching their 60's). I've observed several different ways of handling that transition, and definitely see some things I do not want to do, and some things I hope and pray I can do. I've seen denial (a strong back-turn to pretend like s/he is half his age and mask the aging process), premature resignation (abandoning attempts to continue doing some healthy things because "I'm just getting old anyway") - I'm not quite sure which of these two responses makes me more sad. But I've also seen modeled a struggle that is somewhere in between - acceptance, but still (a reasonable amount of) fighting to stay as strong and healthy as s/he can. I hope I can do that last one - grief with acceptance, and embracing some of the new joys that come with aging (like wisdom, grandchildren, more time for yourself or others now that your kids are grown, etc). I do think that some things (like having a new heavenly body) can reassure us if we intellectually accept them, even if we don't fully "get" it yet.
Also, thanks for the tip on the side lunges! I'll try that. I did find this morning that straightening my other leg fully seemed to help with the twisting I think I was doing.
Katie - I know exactly what you mean about it being harder to care for yourself if you've already "blown" it. This is one way I see my inner critical voice, and how it can perpetuate some things like overeating. I'm so sorry to hear about your teeth problems, and I hope you're able to get some relief soon.
Now I hear what sounds like a cute puppy whimpering over the monitor, meaning Naomi is awake and REALLY wants to play. Better go :)
Friday, July 2, 2010
Shred Take 2 - Workout 1, Day 1
So Naomi had another bad night last night. I woke up with a throat that felt sore at first, so I immediately started the Zicam and Vitamin C. Hopefully it will catch it. I also hope to take another nap today. (Speaking of which, I did actually lie down yesterday and try to nap. I didn't fall asleep, but I at least could feel my breathing get deep and my pulse slow and all, and I felt much more rested afterwards. I always like naps more when I actually do them than when I think about them.)
I know some people think Workout 1 is boring, but I like it. Then again, I like running and swimming long distances alone, so monotony in physical stuff must not bother me. I think it actually helps organize my internal world a little - at least running and swimming do. I think with the Shred, I then notice ways I'm improving or ways I can challenge myself more.
So today was easier than Workout 3 for sure, but still challenging (except for dumbbell rows and chest flies - those never are. I just need heavier weights). I used the 5 lb weights all the way through, whereas before I was using lighter weights. With that step up, though, I could only do the first set of pushups in the full position, then went to knees. I still don't really like squat+press - it makes my knees feel odd. Same with the anterior raise / side lunges - I just can't do those right. I also noticed my outer shin muscles (?) feeling tweaky, maybe from running? I used the weights for the shadowboxers (ahhhhhh! couldn't keep good form, it was so hard), and then on the whole last set of cardio. I'm planning on trying to make the workout harder with weights or other Wkt 2 and 3 moves (like double jumpropes instead of singles, etc), as I'm able. Don't know of a way to make the ab stuff harder though, and that's too bad. I can feel it when I focus on the best form I can with the bicycles, and maybe I could just do those for all the ab moves throughout.
Had a conversation yesterday where I hurt so much for the person and wanted to help them put up better boundaries, but caught myself from getting enmeshed in it like part of me wanted to. It was hard, but I let their stuff be their stuff. And prayed for them. I also anticipate an event this weekend where I will be with someone who triggers my own internal critical voice and makes me feel insecure. If you think of it, please pray for me to be centered and steady in my interaction with them, and in my anxiety as I anticipate it.
I know some people think Workout 1 is boring, but I like it. Then again, I like running and swimming long distances alone, so monotony in physical stuff must not bother me. I think it actually helps organize my internal world a little - at least running and swimming do. I think with the Shred, I then notice ways I'm improving or ways I can challenge myself more.
So today was easier than Workout 3 for sure, but still challenging (except for dumbbell rows and chest flies - those never are. I just need heavier weights). I used the 5 lb weights all the way through, whereas before I was using lighter weights. With that step up, though, I could only do the first set of pushups in the full position, then went to knees. I still don't really like squat+press - it makes my knees feel odd. Same with the anterior raise / side lunges - I just can't do those right. I also noticed my outer shin muscles (?) feeling tweaky, maybe from running? I used the weights for the shadowboxers (ahhhhhh! couldn't keep good form, it was so hard), and then on the whole last set of cardio. I'm planning on trying to make the workout harder with weights or other Wkt 2 and 3 moves (like double jumpropes instead of singles, etc), as I'm able. Don't know of a way to make the ab stuff harder though, and that's too bad. I can feel it when I focus on the best form I can with the bicycles, and maybe I could just do those for all the ab moves throughout.
Had a conversation yesterday where I hurt so much for the person and wanted to help them put up better boundaries, but caught myself from getting enmeshed in it like part of me wanted to. It was hard, but I let their stuff be their stuff. And prayed for them. I also anticipate an event this weekend where I will be with someone who triggers my own internal critical voice and makes me feel insecure. If you think of it, please pray for me to be centered and steady in my interaction with them, and in my anxiety as I anticipate it.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Hi. I don't know if I'll post regularly, but my 30-Day shred arrived in the mail this week. Earlier this week I emailed Jess to thank her for the recommendation from her blog. I wrote:
I've been hemming and hawing about what to do about exercise. Even the cost of a gym membership to the YMCA with financial assistance might be a stretch for us right now--even though they have free babysitting, which has gotten positive reviews from other friends here. I thought about doing a DVD but wasn't sure I could motivate myself to jump around like a cheerleader and feel silly in my living room for 60 mins. So, I checked out your 30 Day Shred recommendation on Amazon and watched the free clip. It looked feasible. I too like weights. It didn't look like it would take a lot of coordination like all those 80's aerobics videos. So, I bit the bullet and bought it. I just finished the first workout and love it. It's just the right amount of everything. It's not too complicated, and I love the fact that it's only 20 mins! I like her pep talks, too. Hopefully I can make a habit of it. Anyhow, that's a long way of saying thanks!
My motivation for exercise: feeling alive, having energy, making the knot in my back go away, removing the slump my shoulders get from nursing, and loosing some weight.
I've done one workout. I used soup cans for weights, promising myself that I will buy some weights if I can actually make a habit of doing the DVD. I was comfortably sore after completing the workout. My second workout was supposed to be today, but I read my child a book and baked banana bread instead--we were hosting playgroup. I really need to create a new morning routine to make this work. It is more difficult to create one right now since my husband is not functioning normally; he recently realized that he has anxiety issues . . . which is why I have a knot in my back.
Right now, I'm going to go eat something because I'm still nursing.
I've been hemming and hawing about what to do about exercise. Even the cost of a gym membership to the YMCA with financial assistance might be a stretch for us right now--even though they have free babysitting, which has gotten positive reviews from other friends here. I thought about doing a DVD but wasn't sure I could motivate myself to jump around like a cheerleader and feel silly in my living room for 60 mins. So, I checked out your 30 Day Shred recommendation on Amazon and watched the free clip. It looked feasible. I too like weights. It didn't look like it would take a lot of coordination like all those 80's aerobics videos. So, I bit the bullet and bought it. I just finished the first workout and love it. It's just the right amount of everything. It's not too complicated, and I love the fact that it's only 20 mins! I like her pep talks, too. Hopefully I can make a habit of it. Anyhow, that's a long way of saying thanks!
My motivation for exercise: feeling alive, having energy, making the knot in my back go away, removing the slump my shoulders get from nursing, and loosing some weight.
I've done one workout. I used soup cans for weights, promising myself that I will buy some weights if I can actually make a habit of doing the DVD. I was comfortably sore after completing the workout. My second workout was supposed to be today, but I read my child a book and baked banana bread instead--we were hosting playgroup. I really need to create a new morning routine to make this work. It is more difficult to create one right now since my husband is not functioning normally; he recently realized that he has anxiety issues . . . which is why I have a knot in my back.
Right now, I'm going to go eat something because I'm still nursing.
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