Today did Shred Wkt 2. Yesterday did a 25 minute swim again. Wednesday I think was also Shred 2. Sleep has been limping along lately - I'm really thankful for a weekend, because I'm hoping I can get some naps in.
Thanks to those of you who've mentioned how my posts on eating have encouraged you - that is coming back and now re-encouraging me. I've just started to feel discouraged because, well probably honestly because I feel like I'm in a very imperfect place right now. The weight of the stuff that came up last week is still sinking in, and I feel like I haven't yet "righted my kayak," or gotten it straight inside of me what's going on (or rather, what happened and how it affected me - especially the couple that is splitting up). It's still kind of a mess inside, and my eating reflects that. Kind of like I'm just bobbing up and down in the kayak, and can't go anywhere yet.
But hearing from some of you that you are looking at eating spiritually is motivating me right now to declare what my new, for-the-time-being goals will be, until I can get a little steadier stance. Even though I feel out of whack (and even though my eating has been out of whack this week), I'm going to try to stick to eating at mealtimes. It doesn't matter if I eat a bigger meal or not, what matters is that I put together a full, balanced, satisfying meal onto one plate (or at least sit down with it all at one time), and enjoy eating it. I don't need to worry about being a perfect balance between satisfied and full, or wait until I'm perfectly hungry blahblahblah, BUT when the meal is done, it's done. No eating half a meal so that I have the excuse to nibble more between meals to make up for it - that just gets me feeling yucky later. I can also have my 3pm snack if I'd like, but other than that no eating between meals.
That's my new goal. If I don't meet it, I at least can be more specific in looking at what happened. Hopefully this will help clear away some of the murky cloudiness of the past week, and give me a bit more clarity. But I am also realizing I need to give myself grace: I've been going through a lot emotionally, and it makes sense that I've been floundering and feeling a bit lost. If things are murky, that is kind of natural.
Jess - thanks for the sympathy about napping - my thoughts/feelings exactly when someone interrupts a nap!! And while I didn't kill them, I DEFINITELY called our HOA manager this morning when the same neighbors who had the loud construction all week had a dog out on their patio (right below Naomi's window) who began barking incessantly at 6 am this morning, and did not stop for a few hours. In life there are a lot of things you have no control over, but it sure is nice when you can exert SOME control!
Katie J - I don't think I've ever heard of a Dormition fast - interesting. What is it and when/why do you do it? I definitely have a trigger food and its name is sugar. I find that I have to almost completely avoid it, and it actually makes a physical difference for me - as in, I physically am much more able to avoid overeating if I don't have sugar in my system. I'm still not sure exactly where my tipping point is, as I can have a small amount and still be ok (it also seems like agave doesn't bother me, though I'm not sure if that's also because I usually only use a small amount when I use it?). But I have found that if I have a dessert or a larger amount of sugar, I will often feel the effects almost immediately (an unpleasant "surge" through my body, like my blood is pumping harder and faster, and it feels icky), and then the next 24 hours I will want to eat more. If I can be aware of it and hold back from giving in, after about 24 hours it all passes and I'm back to normal. But if I do give in and eat, the cycle seems to continue.
Amie - I know what you mean about the NOT eating a good meal actually contributing to eating poorly later - I am the same way! I want to check out your recipe - sounds yummy!
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Friday, August 13, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
When Life Gives You Lemons...
... you may choose to make lemonade with it, but it still hurts like a mother when you get squirt in the eye along the way.
This past week or so was really really hard for me. On the exercise front, I am proud of how I did, and eating too, but everything kind of came crashing down yesterday when I spent an hour trying to calm a screaming baby with the loudest construction happening right below her window, and when she finally went to sleep I totally overate. Then it hit me just how hard it has been the past 10 days or so, and how much I need to process.
I already shared in my last post what had been happening sleep-wise at the start of our vacation. That continued until we came home the following Saturday, although Daniel let me sleep in a separate room a couple nights so I could at least get some more sleep, which helped some (I still woke some though). Thursday I stubbed my toe so hard that I spent a few hours believing I had broken it. This was also scary for me. After talking to a friend who recently broke her toe, and after hours of elevating, icing, resting, etc. the next morning I woke up and it felt a whole lot better - no bruising, no swelling, mobility, etc. I still stayed off of it for 2 more days after that, but now I am quite sure it's not broken and pretty much have full mobility back (in terms of walking around and doing normal activity). I think I just stubbed it really hard.
Layered on top of this was not only anxiety about spending some condensed time with a family member who pushes my boundaries, and around whom I have to work hard to protect those boundaries. I found out that a couple that Daniel and I care a lot about are splitting up, and I also had some painful encounters with 2 other family members who I care a lot about, but who are making or have made bad choices. I've spent most of my life trying to fix them and am only recently realizing how much I have lost by trying to do that, and am now instead trying to just grieve what is not.
And it just hurts.
Most of last week I was not in a position to actually feel that grief - just kind of had to see it, let go of trying to fix it, and then put it away until I could actually process it. But you know, grief just sucks to feel, and it's so much easier to put it out of mind if it's out of sight. So once we were away from the family members and I would have actually had space to process I completely forgot about processing it. Except that I felt depressed. And then starting this past Sunday it started to build more. And then yesterday (Mon) it built even more. When the whole loud construction "nap" was not happening yesterday, and I got so upset afterwards, it was so noticeable to me that I couldn't help but sit back and think, "whoa... ok something is really not ok." Then when I began to write out all that had been going on in the last 10 days, it sank in how much stress I've been under, how much pain I've pushed down, and how much I need to process.
In a lot of ways this shows me that I actually have made a whole lot of progress this past month with my emotional eating. For one thing, I realized that it has been a whole 4 weeks of not overeating at all! That's a pretty big deal for me. For another thing, it only took one time of overeating to realize something was wrong, and I was actually able to identify it and begin processing it. I've battled depression in my life several times, and - although painful - it feels good this time to connect the depressed feeling to actual feelings underneath and begin to stir those up instead of feeling trapped in this numb, dead feeling. At least it feels more alive, and there is some fresh air and hope. But I still hate grieving. Hate it.
Anyway.
Exercise. I am proud of myself for the past week, how I dealt with everything that came my way. Up in the mountains, I was able to do shred a few times (when we were staying in a cabin), I did a couple runs that were really challenging, and I took a few hikes. Yet at the same time I rested instead of working out when I was lacking sleep, and when I injured my foot I completely rested it and didn't do anything for a few days. One of the days I was resting my foot, I did crunches and pushups to challenge myself, instead of giving up on doing a workout completely. I was flexible and enjoyed being on vacation and with others, and didn't go to either extreme of completely abandoning my workouts and overeating, or holding on so tight to my scheduled workouts that my schedule has trouble meshing with the group schedule (both of which I've done in the past). Sunday I was starting to feel the motivational inertia of taking time off from working out (plus the depression), so I figured out something I could do that would still give my foot a break but let me get a workout: I went to the pool and swam some laps for about 25 minutes (which felt great - my triceps were KILLING me!! Shred just isn't the same as swimming!) Yesterday I tried "shred" again, and my foot was fine, so today I did half of my usual run and it is still fine. I think I can go back to normal exercising now. I am proud of myself for not giving up completely, but not pushing myself too hard and listening to my lack of sleep and my injury and letting myself rest.
Eating. I am also proud of how I've been eating, even though I could feel really discouraged that I overate yesterday. Looking back at the last week, I realize how much stress I was under, and am so pleased that I didn't turn to food like I could have. Instead, I realize that I have grown in using my voice to set boundaries (rather than using food to deal with frustration when boundaries are crossed), and in letting go of things I can't change (still far from perfect in this area, but a lot further than I used to be).
This past week or so was really really hard for me. On the exercise front, I am proud of how I did, and eating too, but everything kind of came crashing down yesterday when I spent an hour trying to calm a screaming baby with the loudest construction happening right below her window, and when she finally went to sleep I totally overate. Then it hit me just how hard it has been the past 10 days or so, and how much I need to process.
I already shared in my last post what had been happening sleep-wise at the start of our vacation. That continued until we came home the following Saturday, although Daniel let me sleep in a separate room a couple nights so I could at least get some more sleep, which helped some (I still woke some though). Thursday I stubbed my toe so hard that I spent a few hours believing I had broken it. This was also scary for me. After talking to a friend who recently broke her toe, and after hours of elevating, icing, resting, etc. the next morning I woke up and it felt a whole lot better - no bruising, no swelling, mobility, etc. I still stayed off of it for 2 more days after that, but now I am quite sure it's not broken and pretty much have full mobility back (in terms of walking around and doing normal activity). I think I just stubbed it really hard.
Layered on top of this was not only anxiety about spending some condensed time with a family member who pushes my boundaries, and around whom I have to work hard to protect those boundaries. I found out that a couple that Daniel and I care a lot about are splitting up, and I also had some painful encounters with 2 other family members who I care a lot about, but who are making or have made bad choices. I've spent most of my life trying to fix them and am only recently realizing how much I have lost by trying to do that, and am now instead trying to just grieve what is not.
And it just hurts.
Most of last week I was not in a position to actually feel that grief - just kind of had to see it, let go of trying to fix it, and then put it away until I could actually process it. But you know, grief just sucks to feel, and it's so much easier to put it out of mind if it's out of sight. So once we were away from the family members and I would have actually had space to process I completely forgot about processing it. Except that I felt depressed. And then starting this past Sunday it started to build more. And then yesterday (Mon) it built even more. When the whole loud construction "nap" was not happening yesterday, and I got so upset afterwards, it was so noticeable to me that I couldn't help but sit back and think, "whoa... ok something is really not ok." Then when I began to write out all that had been going on in the last 10 days, it sank in how much stress I've been under, how much pain I've pushed down, and how much I need to process.
In a lot of ways this shows me that I actually have made a whole lot of progress this past month with my emotional eating. For one thing, I realized that it has been a whole 4 weeks of not overeating at all! That's a pretty big deal for me. For another thing, it only took one time of overeating to realize something was wrong, and I was actually able to identify it and begin processing it. I've battled depression in my life several times, and - although painful - it feels good this time to connect the depressed feeling to actual feelings underneath and begin to stir those up instead of feeling trapped in this numb, dead feeling. At least it feels more alive, and there is some fresh air and hope. But I still hate grieving. Hate it.
Anyway.
Exercise. I am proud of myself for the past week, how I dealt with everything that came my way. Up in the mountains, I was able to do shred a few times (when we were staying in a cabin), I did a couple runs that were really challenging, and I took a few hikes. Yet at the same time I rested instead of working out when I was lacking sleep, and when I injured my foot I completely rested it and didn't do anything for a few days. One of the days I was resting my foot, I did crunches and pushups to challenge myself, instead of giving up on doing a workout completely. I was flexible and enjoyed being on vacation and with others, and didn't go to either extreme of completely abandoning my workouts and overeating, or holding on so tight to my scheduled workouts that my schedule has trouble meshing with the group schedule (both of which I've done in the past). Sunday I was starting to feel the motivational inertia of taking time off from working out (plus the depression), so I figured out something I could do that would still give my foot a break but let me get a workout: I went to the pool and swam some laps for about 25 minutes (which felt great - my triceps were KILLING me!! Shred just isn't the same as swimming!) Yesterday I tried "shred" again, and my foot was fine, so today I did half of my usual run and it is still fine. I think I can go back to normal exercising now. I am proud of myself for not giving up completely, but not pushing myself too hard and listening to my lack of sleep and my injury and letting myself rest.
Eating. I am also proud of how I've been eating, even though I could feel really discouraged that I overate yesterday. Looking back at the last week, I realize how much stress I was under, and am so pleased that I didn't turn to food like I could have. Instead, I realize that I have grown in using my voice to set boundaries (rather than using food to deal with frustration when boundaries are crossed), and in letting go of things I can't change (still far from perfect in this area, but a lot further than I used to be).
Monday, August 2, 2010
A Thought-Gathering Post
I haven't posted in a few days and may not post for a few more, although it's not because I haven't been exercising. But this post isn't exactly organized, or even all that focused on exercise, so feel free to skip it if you're not interested. I need to vent a little I guess.
I'm frustrated because I'm starting to get sick, and sleep has been falling apart. I'm starting to feel discouraged. Right now we are up in the mountains with family, and it was supposed to be a fun vacation. Some parts have been fun, but overall I am miserable. We came up Saturday to my dad and stepmom's condo. We were joined the next day by my in-laws, and the plan was to stay here until Tue, when we'd all drive another couple hours to Bridgeport where my stepdad's extended family are camping all week. We'd camp 2 nights, come back to the condo on Thursday, stay 1 or 2 more nights here and then drive home.
But.
It has not been going well at ALL in the sleep department. Thursday Naomi came down with a fever, and we still aren't sure what she had (it broke the next morning) but we suspect roseola (virus), plus possibly teething. So she was up a lot Thurs night, and for long periods. Friday night was bad again; although she was feeling better, maybe her body was still "off" from how she slept Thursday. Saturday she woke up super early and the whole day's routine of napping and eating was thrown off. We left at 5:30 pm for the mountains and she didn't fall asleep til 10 pm - waaaay past her usual bedtime. I tried to sleep in the car (it's a 6+ hour drive), but that was not very successful and we had to stop several times. We pulled in at 1:30 am, when we had to transition her to bed, which involved more crying and nursing, etc. I slept from 2am - 6am, when she woke up. She went back to sleep but I didn't.
Sunday I tried to nap when she did, but only slept 30-40 minutes both times. Then Sunday night, I went to bed early to try and make up for the lost sleep, so I laid down at 9:30, only to be woken up at 10:30 and 11:30 by a baby whose bowels seemed to be really hurting her, poor thing. Slept from about 12 to 3am, when she woke up again, and now it's 10:30 am and I have been awake almost 8 hours already. This isn't even mentioning some of the really difficult relational situations I've been put in the last couple days.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
This is really NOT enough sleep for me. I did run Sat morning, and did Shred 1 Sunday afternoon, but I skipped my run this morning. We're going to try and hike now. I tried to take a nap just now but when Naomi woke up 20 minutes after we put her down for her 9am nap (to which she barely made it, eyes slamming shut, so I don't know why she woke up... maybe the LOUD CONSTRUCTION we discovered they will be doing on the roof all week? grr). She's wide awake now and I'm too worked up about it all to nap, so we're going to hike and try to nap after that.
I've been keeping up with my workouts otherwise, and I had stuff to say about them, but now I am just so mad about this whole sleep thing I can't remember what I was going to say. I don't know if we're going to stay up here all week, like we'd planned, because I definitely can't go 5 more nights like this. But that is so disappointing!
Anyway, I wanted to check in; apologies for the not-very-workout-related post. I'd love to sit and read other people's posts some time soon, and respond. Maybe that will happen someday...
I'm frustrated because I'm starting to get sick, and sleep has been falling apart. I'm starting to feel discouraged. Right now we are up in the mountains with family, and it was supposed to be a fun vacation. Some parts have been fun, but overall I am miserable. We came up Saturday to my dad and stepmom's condo. We were joined the next day by my in-laws, and the plan was to stay here until Tue, when we'd all drive another couple hours to Bridgeport where my stepdad's extended family are camping all week. We'd camp 2 nights, come back to the condo on Thursday, stay 1 or 2 more nights here and then drive home.
But.
It has not been going well at ALL in the sleep department. Thursday Naomi came down with a fever, and we still aren't sure what she had (it broke the next morning) but we suspect roseola (virus), plus possibly teething. So she was up a lot Thurs night, and for long periods. Friday night was bad again; although she was feeling better, maybe her body was still "off" from how she slept Thursday. Saturday she woke up super early and the whole day's routine of napping and eating was thrown off. We left at 5:30 pm for the mountains and she didn't fall asleep til 10 pm - waaaay past her usual bedtime. I tried to sleep in the car (it's a 6+ hour drive), but that was not very successful and we had to stop several times. We pulled in at 1:30 am, when we had to transition her to bed, which involved more crying and nursing, etc. I slept from 2am - 6am, when she woke up. She went back to sleep but I didn't.
Sunday I tried to nap when she did, but only slept 30-40 minutes both times. Then Sunday night, I went to bed early to try and make up for the lost sleep, so I laid down at 9:30, only to be woken up at 10:30 and 11:30 by a baby whose bowels seemed to be really hurting her, poor thing. Slept from about 12 to 3am, when she woke up again, and now it's 10:30 am and I have been awake almost 8 hours already. This isn't even mentioning some of the really difficult relational situations I've been put in the last couple days.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
This is really NOT enough sleep for me. I did run Sat morning, and did Shred 1 Sunday afternoon, but I skipped my run this morning. We're going to try and hike now. I tried to take a nap just now but when Naomi woke up 20 minutes after we put her down for her 9am nap (to which she barely made it, eyes slamming shut, so I don't know why she woke up... maybe the LOUD CONSTRUCTION we discovered they will be doing on the roof all week? grr). She's wide awake now and I'm too worked up about it all to nap, so we're going to hike and try to nap after that.
I've been keeping up with my workouts otherwise, and I had stuff to say about them, but now I am just so mad about this whole sleep thing I can't remember what I was going to say. I don't know if we're going to stay up here all week, like we'd planned, because I definitely can't go 5 more nights like this. But that is so disappointing!
Anyway, I wanted to check in; apologies for the not-very-workout-related post. I'd love to sit and read other people's posts some time soon, and respond. Maybe that will happen someday...
Monday, July 26, 2010
Pressing Through
Friday was (hooray!) the last day of VBS. I'm really glad I was a part of it, but boy did it mess up Naomi's nap schedule (and hence her nighttime sleep schedule :( ). I did Shred Wkt 3 again. This time I actually did all the traveling push-ups and plank rows in the toughest position! That felt good! Otherwise, still using 3 lb weights. I think I did all the mtn climbers in the first set straight through, too, which was a LOT harder than I thought it would be!
Friday we went camping, and sleep was pretty bad - it was very frustrating that our one set of neighbors arrived very noisily at 10:30 pm, an hour after we'd all turned in; and then our other set of neighbors in a huge RV decided to arrive at 12:30 am, and then let their kids run around, screaming and yelling and laughing while they got their RV and generators (?) all hooked up (no joke - it was awful). But I was awake at 6:30 Saturday morning anyway, and lying in bed in a tent is not very comfortable so I decided to go for a run. I decided to just go out 10 min and turn around since I had no idea of distance. I actually came home 1:30 faster than I went out! That was very encouraging. No crunches/pushups.
Sunday I took off, as usual. But that evening we walked half a mile down to Chipotle for dinner and my hip was hurting me. It felt like my shoulder did a few weeks ago - like a tendon was being rubbed back and forth along a sharp bone or something. That's a bad description but it's the closest I can come up with. I tried stretching my gluts, which helped some, but it kept tightening back up. I am pretty sure it's my back again - sleeping in the tent tweaked my back pretty badly, so maybe that's what messed me up. But I think there are knots that are causing surrounding muscles (this time my gluts/hips) to compensate. Right now I have monthly massages (at least for a few more months - birthday gift), but I am wondering if seeing a chiropractor might be more effective. (Any input on how effective that would be, based on the problems I've described having on here?)
So no running for me today until I can get my hip feeling better. :( I actually am really sad about that, because today should have been a running day... if it were Shred, I don't think I'd feel very sad at all. :) I got down to do make myself do crunches and pushups at least, but at the first push-up I stopped, realizing if the hip injury is in fact because of knots in my back, doing pushups might also injure my shoulder like last time. So just crunches. It let me focus more on my form though, and I'm still surprised at how poor it is! So I worked on that. My "workout goal" for today is to stretch and massage as often as I can, and see if I can get the pain to go away by tomorrow.
Eating is always a lot harder for me when I have to cut back on my usual exercise. I think it's the sitting around that makes me want to snack. This morning is already weird because my routine is different, but I made myself brush my teeth after breakfast and then sit down to write this instead of reading blogs and nibbling, while Naomi naps. After this, I want to shower and get dressed, and massage a bit. Other than that, eating has continued to go well. Stress isn't the only reason I overeat, but I have been so focused on that the last couple weeks that I didn't notice myself also wanting to eat for some of the other reasons I have dealt with in the past - like boredom. So I had a few days there where hunger and fullness were fuzzy to me, and I felt a little confused about when and how much to eat. I tried to just keep re-focusing on eating normal-sized meals at normal times. A few times I felt really frustrated because I so wanted to just put something in my mouth, but I knew I was not hungry and it wasn't time for a meal or anything. I resorted to chewing gum a couple times, and ice water and doing something absorbing a few other times. Those things worked. And every time, I was so glad later, because after an hour or two, I would be hungry for my next meal! And that was very rewarding. So I'm continuing to try and take steady steps forward, and to hold my ground as sturdily as I can, without giving up because of the fuzzy times or lapses.
Re: sleep. Middle of the night is better now - other than a few nights last week when Naomi was up (and camping of course), I've been able to sleep through. I stopped taking Magnesium supplements about 10 days ago I think, because they were starting to give me nightmares (at least I think it was because of that - that seems to happen after I take any particular thing for sleep, after awhile). I worried I would start waking mid-night again, but I haven't. BUT I've begun waking early every morning, like 5:30 or 6, when Naomi sleeps til at least 6:30 or 7. That stinks. I think with all of these various sleep problems, that my sleep cycle gets disrupted once or twice, and then gets into a rut. I wish I could get out of this rut - I'm not quite sure what to do, since it seems too difficult to go back to sleep for only about 40 minutes. For now I'm just going to try and nap diligently.
Thanks Emily and Kelly for the input about the bladder issue. I think I will send a message to my midwife and ask her about it, and I have begrudgingly begun to do Kegels when I think of it. I do not love my attitude about that, by the way, but this is at least a start. :)
Jess - Yes, I have a couple weight options - 5 lb dumbbells and 3 lb spaghetti jars. :) I also had lighter spaghetti jars but don't really use those anymore. I'd like to get some heavier dumbbells for just one or two of the exercises (at this point), but haven't gotten to it yet. I've been thinking of getting 7 lb dumbbells, because 2lb seems like a good increase to me - so that it's harder but not so hard that I can't do the exercise properly. But then I'm wondering about getting just 2lb dumbbells, which I could hold simultaneously with the 5lb ones, equaling 7lb. And then maybe getting 10lb dumbbells for the really easy exercises. I don't want to end up getting tons and tons of dumbbells, but it seems like, if I can hold two dumbbells in one hand (I know I can at least do two 5's), that combo could get me pretty far - 2lb, 5lb, [7lb], 10lb, [12lb], [15lb]. Or maybe like Katie J, I'll get 3's instead of 2's.
Thanks for describing your surgery and how you got through it mentally! That is helpful to hear about, and I think if I ever had it done, that the Jesus prayer would really help me too! That's a good idea. And I'm glad to know they hold your eyes open (even if that would be a little scary) - stupid as it sounds, I remember thinking, "I just couldn't hold my eyes open! I know I'd blink and then... what would happen??" :)
Katie - That made me so sad to read your story about how you got chronic bursitis. I'm sorry! :( That's great that you've been able to work around it and still be active, while taking care of that. I mentioned on here before about watching my parents age, and seeing some things I want to emulate and others I don't. My dad was a runner and, in denial of a long-term injury, popped Excedrin on an empty stomach for years, so that he could keep running. When we were vacationing on Catalina Island one summer, his stomach finally ruptured and we all had a very very scary night, including blood everywhere and a life-flight helicopter taking him to the mainland to the nearest hospital. While I wish I could have learned this some other way, that experience really taught me that it's not worth it to me to deny injuries or bully them, but to listen to them. Luke is blessed to have a mommy who can model healthy self-care for him!
Kelly - So glad to hear you were able to eat more like you like this last week, and able to get out a lot and exercise. And so happy to hear you are (now less than) a week away from being all together as a family again!
Friday we went camping, and sleep was pretty bad - it was very frustrating that our one set of neighbors arrived very noisily at 10:30 pm, an hour after we'd all turned in; and then our other set of neighbors in a huge RV decided to arrive at 12:30 am, and then let their kids run around, screaming and yelling and laughing while they got their RV and generators (?) all hooked up (no joke - it was awful). But I was awake at 6:30 Saturday morning anyway, and lying in bed in a tent is not very comfortable so I decided to go for a run. I decided to just go out 10 min and turn around since I had no idea of distance. I actually came home 1:30 faster than I went out! That was very encouraging. No crunches/pushups.
Sunday I took off, as usual. But that evening we walked half a mile down to Chipotle for dinner and my hip was hurting me. It felt like my shoulder did a few weeks ago - like a tendon was being rubbed back and forth along a sharp bone or something. That's a bad description but it's the closest I can come up with. I tried stretching my gluts, which helped some, but it kept tightening back up. I am pretty sure it's my back again - sleeping in the tent tweaked my back pretty badly, so maybe that's what messed me up. But I think there are knots that are causing surrounding muscles (this time my gluts/hips) to compensate. Right now I have monthly massages (at least for a few more months - birthday gift), but I am wondering if seeing a chiropractor might be more effective. (Any input on how effective that would be, based on the problems I've described having on here?)
So no running for me today until I can get my hip feeling better. :( I actually am really sad about that, because today should have been a running day... if it were Shred, I don't think I'd feel very sad at all. :) I got down to do make myself do crunches and pushups at least, but at the first push-up I stopped, realizing if the hip injury is in fact because of knots in my back, doing pushups might also injure my shoulder like last time. So just crunches. It let me focus more on my form though, and I'm still surprised at how poor it is! So I worked on that. My "workout goal" for today is to stretch and massage as often as I can, and see if I can get the pain to go away by tomorrow.
Eating is always a lot harder for me when I have to cut back on my usual exercise. I think it's the sitting around that makes me want to snack. This morning is already weird because my routine is different, but I made myself brush my teeth after breakfast and then sit down to write this instead of reading blogs and nibbling, while Naomi naps. After this, I want to shower and get dressed, and massage a bit. Other than that, eating has continued to go well. Stress isn't the only reason I overeat, but I have been so focused on that the last couple weeks that I didn't notice myself also wanting to eat for some of the other reasons I have dealt with in the past - like boredom. So I had a few days there where hunger and fullness were fuzzy to me, and I felt a little confused about when and how much to eat. I tried to just keep re-focusing on eating normal-sized meals at normal times. A few times I felt really frustrated because I so wanted to just put something in my mouth, but I knew I was not hungry and it wasn't time for a meal or anything. I resorted to chewing gum a couple times, and ice water and doing something absorbing a few other times. Those things worked. And every time, I was so glad later, because after an hour or two, I would be hungry for my next meal! And that was very rewarding. So I'm continuing to try and take steady steps forward, and to hold my ground as sturdily as I can, without giving up because of the fuzzy times or lapses.
Re: sleep. Middle of the night is better now - other than a few nights last week when Naomi was up (and camping of course), I've been able to sleep through. I stopped taking Magnesium supplements about 10 days ago I think, because they were starting to give me nightmares (at least I think it was because of that - that seems to happen after I take any particular thing for sleep, after awhile). I worried I would start waking mid-night again, but I haven't. BUT I've begun waking early every morning, like 5:30 or 6, when Naomi sleeps til at least 6:30 or 7. That stinks. I think with all of these various sleep problems, that my sleep cycle gets disrupted once or twice, and then gets into a rut. I wish I could get out of this rut - I'm not quite sure what to do, since it seems too difficult to go back to sleep for only about 40 minutes. For now I'm just going to try and nap diligently.
Thanks Emily and Kelly for the input about the bladder issue. I think I will send a message to my midwife and ask her about it, and I have begrudgingly begun to do Kegels when I think of it. I do not love my attitude about that, by the way, but this is at least a start. :)
Jess - Yes, I have a couple weight options - 5 lb dumbbells and 3 lb spaghetti jars. :) I also had lighter spaghetti jars but don't really use those anymore. I'd like to get some heavier dumbbells for just one or two of the exercises (at this point), but haven't gotten to it yet. I've been thinking of getting 7 lb dumbbells, because 2lb seems like a good increase to me - so that it's harder but not so hard that I can't do the exercise properly. But then I'm wondering about getting just 2lb dumbbells, which I could hold simultaneously with the 5lb ones, equaling 7lb. And then maybe getting 10lb dumbbells for the really easy exercises. I don't want to end up getting tons and tons of dumbbells, but it seems like, if I can hold two dumbbells in one hand (I know I can at least do two 5's), that combo could get me pretty far - 2lb, 5lb, [7lb], 10lb, [12lb], [15lb]. Or maybe like Katie J, I'll get 3's instead of 2's.
Thanks for describing your surgery and how you got through it mentally! That is helpful to hear about, and I think if I ever had it done, that the Jesus prayer would really help me too! That's a good idea. And I'm glad to know they hold your eyes open (even if that would be a little scary) - stupid as it sounds, I remember thinking, "I just couldn't hold my eyes open! I know I'd blink and then... what would happen??" :)
Katie - That made me so sad to read your story about how you got chronic bursitis. I'm sorry! :( That's great that you've been able to work around it and still be active, while taking care of that. I mentioned on here before about watching my parents age, and seeing some things I want to emulate and others I don't. My dad was a runner and, in denial of a long-term injury, popped Excedrin on an empty stomach for years, so that he could keep running. When we were vacationing on Catalina Island one summer, his stomach finally ruptured and we all had a very very scary night, including blood everywhere and a life-flight helicopter taking him to the mainland to the nearest hospital. While I wish I could have learned this some other way, that experience really taught me that it's not worth it to me to deny injuries or bully them, but to listen to them. Luke is blessed to have a mommy who can model healthy self-care for him!
Kelly - So glad to hear you were able to eat more like you like this last week, and able to get out a lot and exercise. And so happy to hear you are (now less than) a week away from being all together as a family again!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Still Alive, Still Working Out
... just busy! Helping with VBS at church this week has thrown my routine off and it's been hard to find time to get on here. The good news is that I have been working out and napping! At least, I did yesterday. I want to today but just now Naomi was definitely not acting like she needed the nap I was hoping she'd want! I'll try again in an hour. (I have not been getting enough sleep.)
I'm back into Workout 3 of Shred... umph. Not quite sure what that sound is, but it seems appropriate. Workout 3 is the toughest for me (surprise surprise - it's the 3rd one! :) ), and I'm not thrilled about doing it again, but I can also appreciate that I am getting a good workout. Today was my first time doing it in a month and was unpleasantly surprised when suddenly I heard Jillian say, "Get down in a plank position for mountain climbers!" Noooo! My nemesis! I had forgotten about those! But I did them - 12 in a row before a step-touch break. I was also able to do all the traveling pushups in the harder position, and the first set of plank rows / leg lifts in the harder position. I did the 2nd set of rows on my knees, but to be honest that first set was not as hard as it was last month, and I should probably at least see how many I can do next time in the harder position, to challenge my body (not let my mind hold me back, which I always do). The fact that they weren't as hard surprised me since I had to back off the upper body work last week. But also I was using lighter weights throughout (3 lb weights, except for the dumbbell cleans, which I do with 10 lb of weight), so that might have helped. If so, I will continue doing that, because I like being able to do the full workout in the harder position even if I'm using smaller weights.
Yesterday I ran again, 2 miles. No time for crunches and pushups before VBS (nor for a shower! ew!) but oh well. Monday I did Workout 2 of Shred. I ran out of time in the morning, but did it in the afternoon when I got home.
Peeing is still problematic. Or rather, peeing is easy (too easy) - holding it while running or bouncing is the problem. I thought for awhile last month that it was getting better, but now it is definitely not better. The "best" proof of this happened just now. I'd walked Naomi down the street in the jog stroller so I could run some errands and by the end she was very hungry (and also sleepy, so I thought), so I decided to jog the half mile home. Problem was, I had NOT just gone to the bathroom (like I usually do RIGHT before I leave for a run), and I had on regular clothes and only minimal "protection". Yeah, I peed my pants. Nice dark shorts that really show wetness. Oh well. Maybe when Naomi weans... Until then, as long as I'm prepared for it, it isn't too big a deal. I guess though it's another one of those body limitations (like what we were talking about a few weeks ago with aging), and it is honestly sort of hard for me to accept. What if it never gets better? What if spontaneously breaking into a run, or doing jumping jacks or any kind of jumping will forever cause me to pee my pants? It kind of makes me sad to feel that limitation in my body and to know that I used to enjoy NOT being limited like that. Of course, it could get better too - I don't know. And of COURSE having Naomi was worth it, but it still makes me sad.
Alright, now to read and respond to y'all.
I'm back into Workout 3 of Shred... umph. Not quite sure what that sound is, but it seems appropriate. Workout 3 is the toughest for me (surprise surprise - it's the 3rd one! :) ), and I'm not thrilled about doing it again, but I can also appreciate that I am getting a good workout. Today was my first time doing it in a month and was unpleasantly surprised when suddenly I heard Jillian say, "Get down in a plank position for mountain climbers!" Noooo! My nemesis! I had forgotten about those! But I did them - 12 in a row before a step-touch break. I was also able to do all the traveling pushups in the harder position, and the first set of plank rows / leg lifts in the harder position. I did the 2nd set of rows on my knees, but to be honest that first set was not as hard as it was last month, and I should probably at least see how many I can do next time in the harder position, to challenge my body (not let my mind hold me back, which I always do). The fact that they weren't as hard surprised me since I had to back off the upper body work last week. But also I was using lighter weights throughout (3 lb weights, except for the dumbbell cleans, which I do with 10 lb of weight), so that might have helped. If so, I will continue doing that, because I like being able to do the full workout in the harder position even if I'm using smaller weights.
Yesterday I ran again, 2 miles. No time for crunches and pushups before VBS (nor for a shower! ew!) but oh well. Monday I did Workout 2 of Shred. I ran out of time in the morning, but did it in the afternoon when I got home.
Peeing is still problematic. Or rather, peeing is easy (too easy) - holding it while running or bouncing is the problem. I thought for awhile last month that it was getting better, but now it is definitely not better. The "best" proof of this happened just now. I'd walked Naomi down the street in the jog stroller so I could run some errands and by the end she was very hungry (and also sleepy, so I thought), so I decided to jog the half mile home. Problem was, I had NOT just gone to the bathroom (like I usually do RIGHT before I leave for a run), and I had on regular clothes and only minimal "protection". Yeah, I peed my pants. Nice dark shorts that really show wetness. Oh well. Maybe when Naomi weans... Until then, as long as I'm prepared for it, it isn't too big a deal. I guess though it's another one of those body limitations (like what we were talking about a few weeks ago with aging), and it is honestly sort of hard for me to accept. What if it never gets better? What if spontaneously breaking into a run, or doing jumping jacks or any kind of jumping will forever cause me to pee my pants? It kind of makes me sad to feel that limitation in my body and to know that I used to enjoy NOT being limited like that. Of course, it could get better too - I don't know. And of COURSE having Naomi was worth it, but it still makes me sad.
Alright, now to read and respond to y'all.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Shred Take 2 - Workout 1, Day 1
So Naomi had another bad night last night. I woke up with a throat that felt sore at first, so I immediately started the Zicam and Vitamin C. Hopefully it will catch it. I also hope to take another nap today. (Speaking of which, I did actually lie down yesterday and try to nap. I didn't fall asleep, but I at least could feel my breathing get deep and my pulse slow and all, and I felt much more rested afterwards. I always like naps more when I actually do them than when I think about them.)
I know some people think Workout 1 is boring, but I like it. Then again, I like running and swimming long distances alone, so monotony in physical stuff must not bother me. I think it actually helps organize my internal world a little - at least running and swimming do. I think with the Shred, I then notice ways I'm improving or ways I can challenge myself more.
So today was easier than Workout 3 for sure, but still challenging (except for dumbbell rows and chest flies - those never are. I just need heavier weights). I used the 5 lb weights all the way through, whereas before I was using lighter weights. With that step up, though, I could only do the first set of pushups in the full position, then went to knees. I still don't really like squat+press - it makes my knees feel odd. Same with the anterior raise / side lunges - I just can't do those right. I also noticed my outer shin muscles (?) feeling tweaky, maybe from running? I used the weights for the shadowboxers (ahhhhhh! couldn't keep good form, it was so hard), and then on the whole last set of cardio. I'm planning on trying to make the workout harder with weights or other Wkt 2 and 3 moves (like double jumpropes instead of singles, etc), as I'm able. Don't know of a way to make the ab stuff harder though, and that's too bad. I can feel it when I focus on the best form I can with the bicycles, and maybe I could just do those for all the ab moves throughout.
Had a conversation yesterday where I hurt so much for the person and wanted to help them put up better boundaries, but caught myself from getting enmeshed in it like part of me wanted to. It was hard, but I let their stuff be their stuff. And prayed for them. I also anticipate an event this weekend where I will be with someone who triggers my own internal critical voice and makes me feel insecure. If you think of it, please pray for me to be centered and steady in my interaction with them, and in my anxiety as I anticipate it.
I know some people think Workout 1 is boring, but I like it. Then again, I like running and swimming long distances alone, so monotony in physical stuff must not bother me. I think it actually helps organize my internal world a little - at least running and swimming do. I think with the Shred, I then notice ways I'm improving or ways I can challenge myself more.
So today was easier than Workout 3 for sure, but still challenging (except for dumbbell rows and chest flies - those never are. I just need heavier weights). I used the 5 lb weights all the way through, whereas before I was using lighter weights. With that step up, though, I could only do the first set of pushups in the full position, then went to knees. I still don't really like squat+press - it makes my knees feel odd. Same with the anterior raise / side lunges - I just can't do those right. I also noticed my outer shin muscles (?) feeling tweaky, maybe from running? I used the weights for the shadowboxers (ahhhhhh! couldn't keep good form, it was so hard), and then on the whole last set of cardio. I'm planning on trying to make the workout harder with weights or other Wkt 2 and 3 moves (like double jumpropes instead of singles, etc), as I'm able. Don't know of a way to make the ab stuff harder though, and that's too bad. I can feel it when I focus on the best form I can with the bicycles, and maybe I could just do those for all the ab moves throughout.
Had a conversation yesterday where I hurt so much for the person and wanted to help them put up better boundaries, but caught myself from getting enmeshed in it like part of me wanted to. It was hard, but I let their stuff be their stuff. And prayed for them. I also anticipate an event this weekend where I will be with someone who triggers my own internal critical voice and makes me feel insecure. If you think of it, please pray for me to be centered and steady in my interaction with them, and in my anxiety as I anticipate it.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Finally Feeling Glad for All Those Mountain Climbers Jillian Made Me Do
So I was really excited about running today... and then Naomi had a horrible night last night. Woke up about 10 times, and two of the times she was up for about an hour, including lots of loud crying. Thankfully I have a very kind husband who has agreed to tend to her in the night since I can't go back to sleep for at least an hour (if not two) when I'm woken up, even if it's just to put a pacifier back in a certain someone's mouth. But last night at 2 am, I guess it was getting pretty bad and she was not to be comforted, so he brought her to me in desperation for a feeding. I fed her and then she was just ... awake. For over an hour. Yeah, lots of unhappy complaining and crying from her in that hour. Finally around 3, she fell asleep (only to wake back up at 5 and then again at 6...).
So our run happened a little later than planned, but I got to sleep in a little. But it happened - And it was fun! I just did the 2-mile loop on my block, and ran about 1.75 of it. It felt great! Cardiovascularly I felt really good, and that was encouraging since the last time I tried running a bit after a huge break I could really feel it in my heart/lungs. I must say this is probably because of those darn mountain climbers in the Shred, and this morning as I cruised along I was really grateful to Jillian for that!
Since I haven't run in so long my main concern will be shin splints (or other injuries) and not doing too much too quickly. I don't know how my body'll do with 2 miles 3 x's/wk, but I guess I'll find out. I think I'll probably stick to the 2-mile loop but can turn more of it into walking if need be, until I can build back up to it.
So now my personal challenge is to try to nap at least once today... which means right now since Naomi is down for a nap. Ugh. I hate napping. But I feel I should at least try, since my sleep was so disrupted last night.
No run tomorrow, but I'll be starting back at Workout 1 of the 30-Day Shred and am curious to see how that feels after going through the whole thing.
Emily - yes, the cardio in DDR would be a killer ... assuming I could get my feet to actually move that quickly! That boy is amazing. And YES! I would so love to have you over for some DDR! It's always more fun with someone else. :)
Jess - I usually struggle a lot to get back into the normal life after a trip too. And that stinks that your remote went in on the conspiracy and hid himself... Good for you for getting creative and still working on the pull ups and walk :)
Katie - I love the walkout push ups! I'm always surprised when she says they are over. That's cool to be more able to do your housework because of your strength. I am similar with how I've always thought of workouts = calories burned / lots of cardio. But I'm actually usually more pleased when I do more strength stuff too.
Random Group Question: What is your most despised household chore, and how do you deal with it? Mine is scrubbing the bathtub/shower and I deal with it by not doing it for far too long until I am motivated by how yucky it is. No I'm not proud of that.
So our run happened a little later than planned, but I got to sleep in a little. But it happened - And it was fun! I just did the 2-mile loop on my block, and ran about 1.75 of it. It felt great! Cardiovascularly I felt really good, and that was encouraging since the last time I tried running a bit after a huge break I could really feel it in my heart/lungs. I must say this is probably because of those darn mountain climbers in the Shred, and this morning as I cruised along I was really grateful to Jillian for that!
Since I haven't run in so long my main concern will be shin splints (or other injuries) and not doing too much too quickly. I don't know how my body'll do with 2 miles 3 x's/wk, but I guess I'll find out. I think I'll probably stick to the 2-mile loop but can turn more of it into walking if need be, until I can build back up to it.
So now my personal challenge is to try to nap at least once today... which means right now since Naomi is down for a nap. Ugh. I hate napping. But I feel I should at least try, since my sleep was so disrupted last night.
No run tomorrow, but I'll be starting back at Workout 1 of the 30-Day Shred and am curious to see how that feels after going through the whole thing.
Emily - yes, the cardio in DDR would be a killer ... assuming I could get my feet to actually move that quickly! That boy is amazing. And YES! I would so love to have you over for some DDR! It's always more fun with someone else. :)
Jess - I usually struggle a lot to get back into the normal life after a trip too. And that stinks that your remote went in on the conspiracy and hid himself... Good for you for getting creative and still working on the pull ups and walk :)
Katie - I love the walkout push ups! I'm always surprised when she says they are over. That's cool to be more able to do your housework because of your strength. I am similar with how I've always thought of workouts = calories burned / lots of cardio. But I'm actually usually more pleased when I do more strength stuff too.
Random Group Question: What is your most despised household chore, and how do you deal with it? Mine is scrubbing the bathtub/shower and I deal with it by not doing it for far too long until I am motivated by how yucky it is. No I'm not proud of that.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Humor and Questions
Everyone's talk about yoga, pilates, and alternating workout types/dvds reminded me that I have a yoga and pilates dvd (Louise Solomon's Yoga & Pilates Total Body Toner--complete with Australian accent) that I bought about a month before getting pregnant the first time. So, I pulled it out this evening, and discovered that an insect had crafted a 1.5 inch long, white, filmy nest on the underside of my DVD. As you can see, it's been a while since it's been in use.
Being inexperienced in the realm of yoga or pilates, I have a few questions. If I do this DVD in the evenings will these forms of exercise energize me and keep me from sleeping? If this is a good evening option, would this DVD be a good companion to alternate with the Shred? I have both the most time and desire to exercise in the evenings, but usually when I exercise in the evening I have a difficult time falling asleep.
Being inexperienced in the realm of yoga or pilates, I have a few questions. If I do this DVD in the evenings will these forms of exercise energize me and keep me from sleeping? If this is a good evening option, would this DVD be a good companion to alternate with the Shred? I have both the most time and desire to exercise in the evenings, but usually when I exercise in the evening I have a difficult time falling asleep.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)