Long Post from Katie P

Uh, so I didn't get to reading and responding yesterday as I was needed in Mommy form. Hopefully I'll be able to do that tonight.

Exercise: Ran 2 mi this morning, plus crunches and pushups (I'm back up to 2 sets - 15 and 17, non-girl pushups). Got a short nap.

Eating: Continues to amaze me, this feeling of freedom. It is going so well that I am hesitant to even write about it, out of a faint superstitious belief that it will "all fall apart" if I talk about it out loud. I am almost in disbelief at how often a tall, cold glass of ice water is actually what I needed, when I would have *sworn* 5 minutes before that I was feeling tired because FOOD would be the only thing that would help me! It is also funny to me how quickly that whole big glass of water can be suddenly empty again - I am thirstier than I realized I guess. I find myself feeling surprised that I don't need to eat as much in a day as I thought I did, though I am still figuring out how much I need. I've tried "eating intuitively" before, and this time I am finding that a tad more structure than I used to use helps me - I am eating at mealtimes (rather than completely ignoring the clock and eating whenever hungry), and I'm starting with just a normal meal-sized portion (rather than going bite by bite to see how hungry/full I am).

The latest bend in the road is that today I began to feel a bit unsure about hunger and full. I ate a snack around 4pm (I found at the end of last week that I usually need this in order to get me through to dinner, or else I get too hungry). Then I met up with Daniel at a street market, where we got food. I ordered a tamale that was too small, so went back and ordered 2 more after I ate the first one. After eating the 2nd one, I felt good to go, but I wasn't sure if I should eat the 3rd one. The last two nights, I've felt quite hungry right before bed, so I ate the 3rd one thinking it might help me avoid that. But then I felt full. Then I got home and felt dissatisfied. Was I hungry? Was I just worried? Augh!! Now that I write it out, I think I just got too worried about it all. My stomach can stretch for this reason, and it's ok if sometimes I eat a bit too much, and other times don't eat quite enough. It's not the end of the world, and I shouldn't get so focused on every twinge I feel. I want to build a pattern I can sustain over the long haul, and that has to be flexible. So I'm going to look at tonight as a flex. Those nights I went to bed hungry were fine, and tonight I don't think I'll go to bed hungry and that's probably fine too.


Jess - Thanks for your suggestion about the hammock! I think you'd mentioned that to me before and I'd forgotten it. We actually don't have any string hammocks, only cloth ones, but thankfully the a/c is still working fine (plus it hasn't been quite as hot) so swaddling has been fine.

Thanks also for what you shared about re: beliefs about your writing. Yes it is so freeing to see the trap and then be able to walk around it! It's funny: just yesterday while getting my hair cut, a lady made the off-hand comment, "Don't you just wish you were a baby again - no worries, no responsibilities." (not totally random - Naomi was sitting there :) ) And while on the one hand I totally get this and agree, still more of me feels like, "There is no way in heck I'd like to be a baby again!" Partly because it would mean going through childhood and adolescence all over again, and all that drama, and I'm so glad I don't have to relive high school! :) But partly because maturity is really great and I enjoy it! This being able to see a belief and walk around it is one of those abilities gained through time and experience that I would be very sorry to lose, just for the sake of having less responsibility! No thanks!

I'm so glad your surgery went so well! I think superpower is a great word for it :) It gave me a new and deeper awe of Jesus, going around simply touching eyes and bringing sight, just reading what you wrote - I can't imagine what it must be like for you! It's so funny how connected all our body parts are, that lifting weights can put more strain on the eyes! Makes sense, but interesting. Hearing yet another positive report of Lasik tips my "thinking about it" scale just a bit more... maybe someday I'll do it. I have to admit that one negative thing in my brain is how freaked out I think I would be at having to keep my eyes open during the procedure. Was that a big deal for you? or not?

Amie - Thank you so much for the update on Julie. I'm so sorry she is still in ICU and not getting to cuddle her little one, but so thankful she is still alive! Is her life still at risk, or is it now a matter of salvaging the functioning of as many organs as possible? Your time in MT and your upcoming camping sound crazy to me, but I hope you enjoy it! :) I love Montana - Daniel's brother has lived there for about 6 years, and we've spent a few weeks there before. It's beautiful.

Katie - I smiled when I read your comment about CA homes not having A/C - that IS the nice thing about places like TX or other hot places... because of the incredible heat, they have a/c in every home! Good for you for adapting so that you can still work out, even while you can't get outside. And what a great feeling to see how much stronger you've become (with the Prevention DVD)!

I definitely HATE working out in the evenings. Not only am I more tired physically, but mentally I am winding down for the day and working out isn't exactly relaxing or fun in my mind. I like to work out first thing in the morning because it gets it out of the way, honestly. I think it also boosts me up, and I feel good about the fact that I exercised, which gets me more pumped for the day. Also I love mornings (always smells fresh, cool air, etc) so when I'm exercising outside I enjoy being out in the early morning. But I think your idea about doing workouts during naptime to help yourself with depression feelings and the pull of eating might be a great solution.

Emily - So glad karate is going well, and that you are not pushing yourself to do more. In terms of overall health (including body AND heart/soul/mind), it sounds like you are really nailing it by managing your stress and not trying to do too much.

That's hilarious about "Women at Large"! ha!

Great point about your lack of internet being a blessing because it kept you from "checking out" - I'm glad you mentioned that. I always find that when I give up Internet for a bit, I feel so much better! And yet it always sucks me back in. It's so much like me and sugar, now that I think about it! I feel so much better when I'm not eating sweets (which for me translates into eating them rarely - as opposed to never - but in my head I have to think of it as, "I don't eat sweets," or else I will get sucked into eating them waaaay too often and too much :) ). However, while life without sweets is workable for me, I just don't think life without Internet would work in my home... :) (But I can't put all the blame on my programming husband - I don't want to give it up either!) But it is something for me to think about.

Okay, I just read that your blender broke - WOOHOO!!!!!! :) :) I can't WAIT to come see your Vitamix!! :) :) Ok, now I read the rest of your entry and realized that you aren't sure if you're going to get it. In some ways I don't want to give advice because I don't know your specific financial situation, so maybe it is not a good idea for you guys to get it. But if you're asking for general, fairly uninformed input, I would say get it! I hope this isn't faulty or ungodly reasoning, but I don't think that spending money on pleasurable things is wrong. It can be just as sinful to be fastidious about something as it is to gorge yourself on it - pleasure is meant to be enjoyed but not glorified, and it can be glorified when we attach ourselves too tightly to it and require it, as well as when we focus too much on restricting or forbidding it. My thinking is: this blender will last you for the rest of your life (or a super long time at least), and I am sure you will not only get many many enjoyable "moments" from it, enjoying a smoothie or something else, but also you will be nourishing your family both in body and spirit - those green smoothies are great for them, and I bet they really enjoy them too. So I think it's an investment that is worth it. But again, I don't know your financial situation, and obviously there are plenty of things that should come before pleasure - a family needs food, babies need diapers, you need a car and gas in it, etc. But if there isn't a real, tangible expense or debt that would keep you from buying this, but rather it is just a fear of spending a lot of money on something you will enjoy, I say spit in the face of the temptation to idolize frugality and buy the Vitamix and enjoy it every time you use it!

(...um... hope that was not too strong. I just read a discussion on Facebook about how Christians should not wear shorts to church if they love God and I think it got me a little too fired up when I came to thinking about your Vitamix. So take what I said with a grain of salt. :) )

Yolanda - I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to go through as much transition as it sounds like you have recently gone through (in your academic and family life). That's a lot to swallow and digest and jump into (sorry for mixing my metaphors there, but they all seem appropriate). Good for you for determining to start again, with taking care of your body. You're right about the fact that you and your family will all be glad you did. I think in terms of my own inspiration, once I get in a routine, sticking with the routine just keeps me rolling, but when I get OUT of a routine and need to start again, I have been motivated in the past by looking at a picture of myself from a healthier time. But what's worked more effectively I think is just knowing it's taking me to a place I'd rather be, regardless of what I feel like now, because for me so much of being successful at staying fit and healthy is just doing it, whether I feel like it or not, and this attitude keys into that. I don't know how helpful that will be, but it's what's true for me. Other ideas for motivation: get some gear you enjoy (clothes or shoes or a headband) - it's actually gotten me out of bed in the morning because I was eager to wear my new swimsuit for swimming laps! Or give yourself some treat for working out - maybe a once a week dessert treat, or a luxurious bath or maybe a smaller daily treat. I know of someone who bought small sizes of a really expensive body wash and hair products that she loved but she put them in her gym bag and only let herself use them after she'd worked out as her treat.