Just Bobbing Up and Down For Now

Today did Shred Wkt 2. Yesterday did a 25 minute swim again. Wednesday I think was also Shred 2. Sleep has been limping along lately - I'm really thankful for a weekend, because I'm hoping I can get some naps in.

Thanks to those of you who've mentioned how my posts on eating have encouraged you - that is coming back and now re-encouraging me. I've just started to feel discouraged because, well probably honestly because I feel like I'm in a very imperfect place right now. The weight of the stuff that came up last week is still sinking in, and I feel like I haven't yet "righted my kayak," or gotten it straight inside of me what's going on (or rather, what happened and how it affected me - especially the couple that is splitting up). It's still kind of a mess inside, and my eating reflects that. Kind of like I'm just bobbing up and down in the kayak, and can't go anywhere yet.

But hearing from some of you that you are looking at eating spiritually is motivating me right now to declare what my new, for-the-time-being goals will be, until I can get a little steadier stance. Even though I feel out of whack (and even though my eating has been out of whack this week), I'm going to try to stick to eating at mealtimes. It doesn't matter if I eat a bigger meal or not, what matters is that I put together a full, balanced, satisfying meal onto one plate (or at least sit down with it all at one time), and enjoy eating it. I don't need to worry about being a perfect balance between satisfied and full, or wait until I'm perfectly hungry blahblahblah, BUT when the meal is done, it's done. No eating half a meal so that I have the excuse to nibble more between meals to make up for it - that just gets me feeling yucky later. I can also have my 3pm snack if I'd like, but other than that no eating between meals.

That's my new goal. If I don't meet it, I at least can be more specific in looking at what happened. Hopefully this will help clear away some of the murky cloudiness of the past week, and give me a bit more clarity. But I am also realizing I need to give myself grace: I've been going through a lot emotionally, and it makes sense that I've been floundering and feeling a bit lost. If things are murky, that is kind of natural.

Jess - thanks for the sympathy about napping - my thoughts/feelings exactly when someone interrupts a nap!! And while I didn't kill them, I DEFINITELY called our HOA manager this morning when the same neighbors who had the loud construction all week had a dog out on their patio (right below Naomi's window) who began barking incessantly at 6 am this morning, and did not stop for a few hours. In life there are a lot of things you have no control over, but it sure is nice when you can exert SOME control!

Katie J - I don't think I've ever heard of a Dormition fast - interesting. What is it and when/why do you do it? I definitely have a trigger food and its name is sugar. I find that I have to almost completely avoid it, and it actually makes a physical difference for me - as in, I physically am much more able to avoid overeating if I don't have sugar in my system. I'm still not sure exactly where my tipping point is, as I can have a small amount and still be ok (it also seems like agave doesn't bother me, though I'm not sure if that's also because I usually only use a small amount when I use it?). But I have found that if I have a dessert or a larger amount of sugar, I will often feel the effects almost immediately (an unpleasant "surge" through my body, like my blood is pumping harder and faster, and it feels icky), and then the next 24 hours I will want to eat more. If I can be aware of it and hold back from giving in, after about 24 hours it all passes and I'm back to normal. But if I do give in and eat, the cycle seems to continue.

Amie - I know what you mean about the NOT eating a good meal actually contributing to eating poorly later - I am the same way! I want to check out your recipe - sounds yummy!