I've definitely changed my focus lately, but I think that it is overall a good thing for me and our family. I'm going to karate twice a week. Originally I was planning on this being something I did with/for Jonathan, but it turns out that he's not really ready to do it. And I discovered that I like it and don't want to stop. Although it can be difficult to get there twice a week, I do enjoy it when I'm there and it really helps me to have steady, regular exercise outside of my home.
Other than that, I'm focusing on eating well according to my new game plan (no white flour, white sugar, or caffeine, basically no processed stuff). I still miss brownies, and I still think that it is worth it. :)
We're starting homeschooling next Tuesday, officially, although Jonathan asked to "do school" this morning and so of course we did! :) I'm spending this last week trying to get all my ducks in a row so I feel ready to start. (I don't. Feel ready. At all. Ack.)
As far as continuing to post here...maybe I'll post the kinds of things we're doing in karate? Last class we spent 30 minutes working on proper form for push-ups. Oh. My. Word. I am SO SORE!! I wasn't doing push-ups (because of wrist/shoulder pain) so I was holding various forms of plank and OUCH!!!!!!!
Another interesting part of karate for me: making some changes in the higher level forms. Because of my shoulder, there are some motions that I just can't do. And Fr. David has talked with me about making changes that accommodate the injury, while still honoring the intention of the form. It is a fun and interesting challenge, coming up with alternative ways to do them.
Ok, quiet time is about over and I need to make a phone call...this is Emily, checking out! ;)
Showing posts with label pushups. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pushups. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
When Life Gives You Lemons...
... you may choose to make lemonade with it, but it still hurts like a mother when you get squirt in the eye along the way.
This past week or so was really really hard for me. On the exercise front, I am proud of how I did, and eating too, but everything kind of came crashing down yesterday when I spent an hour trying to calm a screaming baby with the loudest construction happening right below her window, and when she finally went to sleep I totally overate. Then it hit me just how hard it has been the past 10 days or so, and how much I need to process.
I already shared in my last post what had been happening sleep-wise at the start of our vacation. That continued until we came home the following Saturday, although Daniel let me sleep in a separate room a couple nights so I could at least get some more sleep, which helped some (I still woke some though). Thursday I stubbed my toe so hard that I spent a few hours believing I had broken it. This was also scary for me. After talking to a friend who recently broke her toe, and after hours of elevating, icing, resting, etc. the next morning I woke up and it felt a whole lot better - no bruising, no swelling, mobility, etc. I still stayed off of it for 2 more days after that, but now I am quite sure it's not broken and pretty much have full mobility back (in terms of walking around and doing normal activity). I think I just stubbed it really hard.
Layered on top of this was not only anxiety about spending some condensed time with a family member who pushes my boundaries, and around whom I have to work hard to protect those boundaries. I found out that a couple that Daniel and I care a lot about are splitting up, and I also had some painful encounters with 2 other family members who I care a lot about, but who are making or have made bad choices. I've spent most of my life trying to fix them and am only recently realizing how much I have lost by trying to do that, and am now instead trying to just grieve what is not.
And it just hurts.
Most of last week I was not in a position to actually feel that grief - just kind of had to see it, let go of trying to fix it, and then put it away until I could actually process it. But you know, grief just sucks to feel, and it's so much easier to put it out of mind if it's out of sight. So once we were away from the family members and I would have actually had space to process I completely forgot about processing it. Except that I felt depressed. And then starting this past Sunday it started to build more. And then yesterday (Mon) it built even more. When the whole loud construction "nap" was not happening yesterday, and I got so upset afterwards, it was so noticeable to me that I couldn't help but sit back and think, "whoa... ok something is really not ok." Then when I began to write out all that had been going on in the last 10 days, it sank in how much stress I've been under, how much pain I've pushed down, and how much I need to process.
In a lot of ways this shows me that I actually have made a whole lot of progress this past month with my emotional eating. For one thing, I realized that it has been a whole 4 weeks of not overeating at all! That's a pretty big deal for me. For another thing, it only took one time of overeating to realize something was wrong, and I was actually able to identify it and begin processing it. I've battled depression in my life several times, and - although painful - it feels good this time to connect the depressed feeling to actual feelings underneath and begin to stir those up instead of feeling trapped in this numb, dead feeling. At least it feels more alive, and there is some fresh air and hope. But I still hate grieving. Hate it.
Anyway.
Exercise. I am proud of myself for the past week, how I dealt with everything that came my way. Up in the mountains, I was able to do shred a few times (when we were staying in a cabin), I did a couple runs that were really challenging, and I took a few hikes. Yet at the same time I rested instead of working out when I was lacking sleep, and when I injured my foot I completely rested it and didn't do anything for a few days. One of the days I was resting my foot, I did crunches and pushups to challenge myself, instead of giving up on doing a workout completely. I was flexible and enjoyed being on vacation and with others, and didn't go to either extreme of completely abandoning my workouts and overeating, or holding on so tight to my scheduled workouts that my schedule has trouble meshing with the group schedule (both of which I've done in the past). Sunday I was starting to feel the motivational inertia of taking time off from working out (plus the depression), so I figured out something I could do that would still give my foot a break but let me get a workout: I went to the pool and swam some laps for about 25 minutes (which felt great - my triceps were KILLING me!! Shred just isn't the same as swimming!) Yesterday I tried "shred" again, and my foot was fine, so today I did half of my usual run and it is still fine. I think I can go back to normal exercising now. I am proud of myself for not giving up completely, but not pushing myself too hard and listening to my lack of sleep and my injury and letting myself rest.
Eating. I am also proud of how I've been eating, even though I could feel really discouraged that I overate yesterday. Looking back at the last week, I realize how much stress I was under, and am so pleased that I didn't turn to food like I could have. Instead, I realize that I have grown in using my voice to set boundaries (rather than using food to deal with frustration when boundaries are crossed), and in letting go of things I can't change (still far from perfect in this area, but a lot further than I used to be).
This past week or so was really really hard for me. On the exercise front, I am proud of how I did, and eating too, but everything kind of came crashing down yesterday when I spent an hour trying to calm a screaming baby with the loudest construction happening right below her window, and when she finally went to sleep I totally overate. Then it hit me just how hard it has been the past 10 days or so, and how much I need to process.
I already shared in my last post what had been happening sleep-wise at the start of our vacation. That continued until we came home the following Saturday, although Daniel let me sleep in a separate room a couple nights so I could at least get some more sleep, which helped some (I still woke some though). Thursday I stubbed my toe so hard that I spent a few hours believing I had broken it. This was also scary for me. After talking to a friend who recently broke her toe, and after hours of elevating, icing, resting, etc. the next morning I woke up and it felt a whole lot better - no bruising, no swelling, mobility, etc. I still stayed off of it for 2 more days after that, but now I am quite sure it's not broken and pretty much have full mobility back (in terms of walking around and doing normal activity). I think I just stubbed it really hard.
Layered on top of this was not only anxiety about spending some condensed time with a family member who pushes my boundaries, and around whom I have to work hard to protect those boundaries. I found out that a couple that Daniel and I care a lot about are splitting up, and I also had some painful encounters with 2 other family members who I care a lot about, but who are making or have made bad choices. I've spent most of my life trying to fix them and am only recently realizing how much I have lost by trying to do that, and am now instead trying to just grieve what is not.
And it just hurts.
Most of last week I was not in a position to actually feel that grief - just kind of had to see it, let go of trying to fix it, and then put it away until I could actually process it. But you know, grief just sucks to feel, and it's so much easier to put it out of mind if it's out of sight. So once we were away from the family members and I would have actually had space to process I completely forgot about processing it. Except that I felt depressed. And then starting this past Sunday it started to build more. And then yesterday (Mon) it built even more. When the whole loud construction "nap" was not happening yesterday, and I got so upset afterwards, it was so noticeable to me that I couldn't help but sit back and think, "whoa... ok something is really not ok." Then when I began to write out all that had been going on in the last 10 days, it sank in how much stress I've been under, how much pain I've pushed down, and how much I need to process.
In a lot of ways this shows me that I actually have made a whole lot of progress this past month with my emotional eating. For one thing, I realized that it has been a whole 4 weeks of not overeating at all! That's a pretty big deal for me. For another thing, it only took one time of overeating to realize something was wrong, and I was actually able to identify it and begin processing it. I've battled depression in my life several times, and - although painful - it feels good this time to connect the depressed feeling to actual feelings underneath and begin to stir those up instead of feeling trapped in this numb, dead feeling. At least it feels more alive, and there is some fresh air and hope. But I still hate grieving. Hate it.
Anyway.
Exercise. I am proud of myself for the past week, how I dealt with everything that came my way. Up in the mountains, I was able to do shred a few times (when we were staying in a cabin), I did a couple runs that were really challenging, and I took a few hikes. Yet at the same time I rested instead of working out when I was lacking sleep, and when I injured my foot I completely rested it and didn't do anything for a few days. One of the days I was resting my foot, I did crunches and pushups to challenge myself, instead of giving up on doing a workout completely. I was flexible and enjoyed being on vacation and with others, and didn't go to either extreme of completely abandoning my workouts and overeating, or holding on so tight to my scheduled workouts that my schedule has trouble meshing with the group schedule (both of which I've done in the past). Sunday I was starting to feel the motivational inertia of taking time off from working out (plus the depression), so I figured out something I could do that would still give my foot a break but let me get a workout: I went to the pool and swam some laps for about 25 minutes (which felt great - my triceps were KILLING me!! Shred just isn't the same as swimming!) Yesterday I tried "shred" again, and my foot was fine, so today I did half of my usual run and it is still fine. I think I can go back to normal exercising now. I am proud of myself for not giving up completely, but not pushing myself too hard and listening to my lack of sleep and my injury and letting myself rest.
Eating. I am also proud of how I've been eating, even though I could feel really discouraged that I overate yesterday. Looking back at the last week, I realize how much stress I was under, and am so pleased that I didn't turn to food like I could have. Instead, I realize that I have grown in using my voice to set boundaries (rather than using food to deal with frustration when boundaries are crossed), and in letting go of things I can't change (still far from perfect in this area, but a lot further than I used to be).
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Inspiring Cuteness
Jess - LOVE IT!! That was hilarious! That poor girl - not only the horrible choker, but... hello?? what was going on with her pants? Were they camo? Or were they shreds of fabric pinned together? And yes, I think if you can't get that move that it is not a terrible thing, as the move was pretty funny :) BUT I think it looks like a great workout, and a really fun way to get some good exercise! Thanks for sharing :)
My hip is better. I am really glad I didn't run on it yesterday - I think that day of rest was just what it needed. It's good for me to write that out and see it (and to have experienced it), because I can tend to drive myself too hard, not believing that rest does any significant good (I take after my dad in that sense - can be a good thing to be so persevering, but it can get out of appropriate bounds real fast). But it's clear to me that resting yesterday did help. I didn't succeed very much at massaging throughout the day - partly because when I tried in the morning I never really found the right spot, and partly because the later part of the day was spent out of the house. The other thing I want to remember in the future is using a heating pad! I finally remembered this before going to bed, and I really believe that's a big reason I feel better today.
So today I debated giving my knots another day of no exercise to work themselves out or not, but opted to go ahead and go for a run, since my hip didn't really bother me most of the day yesterday, and the knots themselves weren't feeling too bad today. I'm glad I did - at this point, nothing hurts from it. I stretched pretty well afterwards (which I'm usually terrible at doing), and massaged my back more. I did crunches (but no push-ups, just in case).
Here is a shot of one of my motivations to get out for a run. This little girl LOVES riding in the stroller. She's usually silently fascinated the whole time, and if I pause at a stoplight and peek in at her, she barely even looks at me because she's so "in the zone" gazing at all her surroundings. I love it.
(not sure why the picture looks so bad - if you click on it, the larger version is much clearer)
I give myself a B for how eating went yesterday. I didn't have any major setbacks, but in the evening I just kind of fuzzed (don't ask me for a precise definition of that word). Part of it was, the snack I chose in the afternoon ended up being quite a bit more filling than I expected, and I wasn't hungry for dinner (which is always a bummer for me - I love eating dinner as a family). And then, I'd tried a new recipe for dinner and not only did Daniel not like it, but I didn't like it! :( One little "loss" I am grieving with letting go of eating a bit more is that when a meal is disappointing, it bothers me more than it used to. It's like I make the effort to not indulge in snacks or nibbles and "save it up" for being hungry for my meal, and when the meal "lets me down," boy is that disappointing! (I'm sorry if this is kind of silly, but it helps me to try and sort all of this out here.) One thing I want to try and consciously do differently in the future if this happens, is to consider not finishing my meal. Last night I finished it anyway, but then felt very dissatisfied even though full. And, more than that, I felt mad! Mad that the meal didn't turn out, and then mad also because now I'm full of food I did not enjoy. This led to nibbling later on in the evening, as if to "make up for my loss" of a good satisfying meal by eating more (which, for the record, does not work). Instead, one obvious option for next time, would be to finish the meal but be more intentional about brushing my teeth or something afterwards and just waiting for the next meal or next time I'm hungry to eat. Or another idea would be to try stopping mid-meal and eating something else, or doing something else with the food. (For example, last night it was an Indian-style meatloaf with curry and a tahini sauce. The meatloaf itself was fine, but there was way too much tahini on top and I didn't like it. So I could probably scrape off the sauce and make a meatloaf sandwich with BBQ sauce or something that would be much more satisfying.)
Another reason for the "B" is that I didn't drink enough yesterday (largely due to being out and about).
One major victory was that I stopped at a place I love to pick up lunch (it's far away and I only go there once a month when I meet with my spiritual director, who is right up the street from it), but didn't eat past full! (which is not easy for me to do at this place) I just kept the rest in the box and had some for a snack later in the day. That's a big deal for me! I also noticed how it wasn't as extraordinary of an effort as it sometimes has been in the past to do that, which is encouraging to me.
Another thing I want to remember that I did today is eating a nice, full, satisfying breakfast (or any meal). If I eat a really good solid meal, I am about 98% less likely to snack between meals, and the amount of food I eat in a day (while still feeling satisfied) is significantly less. Sometimes I just grab something that I know isn't a full breakfast, instead of taking an extra 2 minutes to put together a complete meal, but it's like giving myself an excuse to just graze all morning because I am "finishing breakfast" (this isn't a good direction for me to go personally).
Em - I talked to Daniel about the chiropractor and he said sure! However, I'm guessing that I ought to go in when I'm in pain, right? Not after the fact? Since my hip is feeling better, should I just wait til the next time something goes wrong, or should I go in before that, even if I'm not in pain, just to make sure things are right?
My hip is better. I am really glad I didn't run on it yesterday - I think that day of rest was just what it needed. It's good for me to write that out and see it (and to have experienced it), because I can tend to drive myself too hard, not believing that rest does any significant good (I take after my dad in that sense - can be a good thing to be so persevering, but it can get out of appropriate bounds real fast). But it's clear to me that resting yesterday did help. I didn't succeed very much at massaging throughout the day - partly because when I tried in the morning I never really found the right spot, and partly because the later part of the day was spent out of the house. The other thing I want to remember in the future is using a heating pad! I finally remembered this before going to bed, and I really believe that's a big reason I feel better today.
So today I debated giving my knots another day of no exercise to work themselves out or not, but opted to go ahead and go for a run, since my hip didn't really bother me most of the day yesterday, and the knots themselves weren't feeling too bad today. I'm glad I did - at this point, nothing hurts from it. I stretched pretty well afterwards (which I'm usually terrible at doing), and massaged my back more. I did crunches (but no push-ups, just in case).
Here is a shot of one of my motivations to get out for a run. This little girl LOVES riding in the stroller. She's usually silently fascinated the whole time, and if I pause at a stoplight and peek in at her, she barely even looks at me because she's so "in the zone" gazing at all her surroundings. I love it.
(not sure why the picture looks so bad - if you click on it, the larger version is much clearer)
I give myself a B for how eating went yesterday. I didn't have any major setbacks, but in the evening I just kind of fuzzed (don't ask me for a precise definition of that word). Part of it was, the snack I chose in the afternoon ended up being quite a bit more filling than I expected, and I wasn't hungry for dinner (which is always a bummer for me - I love eating dinner as a family). And then, I'd tried a new recipe for dinner and not only did Daniel not like it, but I didn't like it! :( One little "loss" I am grieving with letting go of eating a bit more is that when a meal is disappointing, it bothers me more than it used to. It's like I make the effort to not indulge in snacks or nibbles and "save it up" for being hungry for my meal, and when the meal "lets me down," boy is that disappointing! (I'm sorry if this is kind of silly, but it helps me to try and sort all of this out here.) One thing I want to try and consciously do differently in the future if this happens, is to consider not finishing my meal. Last night I finished it anyway, but then felt very dissatisfied even though full. And, more than that, I felt mad! Mad that the meal didn't turn out, and then mad also because now I'm full of food I did not enjoy. This led to nibbling later on in the evening, as if to "make up for my loss" of a good satisfying meal by eating more (which, for the record, does not work). Instead, one obvious option for next time, would be to finish the meal but be more intentional about brushing my teeth or something afterwards and just waiting for the next meal or next time I'm hungry to eat. Or another idea would be to try stopping mid-meal and eating something else, or doing something else with the food. (For example, last night it was an Indian-style meatloaf with curry and a tahini sauce. The meatloaf itself was fine, but there was way too much tahini on top and I didn't like it. So I could probably scrape off the sauce and make a meatloaf sandwich with BBQ sauce or something that would be much more satisfying.)
Another reason for the "B" is that I didn't drink enough yesterday (largely due to being out and about).
One major victory was that I stopped at a place I love to pick up lunch (it's far away and I only go there once a month when I meet with my spiritual director, who is right up the street from it), but didn't eat past full! (which is not easy for me to do at this place) I just kept the rest in the box and had some for a snack later in the day. That's a big deal for me! I also noticed how it wasn't as extraordinary of an effort as it sometimes has been in the past to do that, which is encouraging to me.
Another thing I want to remember that I did today is eating a nice, full, satisfying breakfast (or any meal). If I eat a really good solid meal, I am about 98% less likely to snack between meals, and the amount of food I eat in a day (while still feeling satisfied) is significantly less. Sometimes I just grab something that I know isn't a full breakfast, instead of taking an extra 2 minutes to put together a complete meal, but it's like giving myself an excuse to just graze all morning because I am "finishing breakfast" (this isn't a good direction for me to go personally).
Em - I talked to Daniel about the chiropractor and he said sure! However, I'm guessing that I ought to go in when I'm in pain, right? Not after the fact? Since my hip is feeling better, should I just wait til the next time something goes wrong, or should I go in before that, even if I'm not in pain, just to make sure things are right?
Monday, July 26, 2010
Pressing Through
Friday was (hooray!) the last day of VBS. I'm really glad I was a part of it, but boy did it mess up Naomi's nap schedule (and hence her nighttime sleep schedule :( ). I did Shred Wkt 3 again. This time I actually did all the traveling push-ups and plank rows in the toughest position! That felt good! Otherwise, still using 3 lb weights. I think I did all the mtn climbers in the first set straight through, too, which was a LOT harder than I thought it would be!
Friday we went camping, and sleep was pretty bad - it was very frustrating that our one set of neighbors arrived very noisily at 10:30 pm, an hour after we'd all turned in; and then our other set of neighbors in a huge RV decided to arrive at 12:30 am, and then let their kids run around, screaming and yelling and laughing while they got their RV and generators (?) all hooked up (no joke - it was awful). But I was awake at 6:30 Saturday morning anyway, and lying in bed in a tent is not very comfortable so I decided to go for a run. I decided to just go out 10 min and turn around since I had no idea of distance. I actually came home 1:30 faster than I went out! That was very encouraging. No crunches/pushups.
Sunday I took off, as usual. But that evening we walked half a mile down to Chipotle for dinner and my hip was hurting me. It felt like my shoulder did a few weeks ago - like a tendon was being rubbed back and forth along a sharp bone or something. That's a bad description but it's the closest I can come up with. I tried stretching my gluts, which helped some, but it kept tightening back up. I am pretty sure it's my back again - sleeping in the tent tweaked my back pretty badly, so maybe that's what messed me up. But I think there are knots that are causing surrounding muscles (this time my gluts/hips) to compensate. Right now I have monthly massages (at least for a few more months - birthday gift), but I am wondering if seeing a chiropractor might be more effective. (Any input on how effective that would be, based on the problems I've described having on here?)
So no running for me today until I can get my hip feeling better. :( I actually am really sad about that, because today should have been a running day... if it were Shred, I don't think I'd feel very sad at all. :) I got down to do make myself do crunches and pushups at least, but at the first push-up I stopped, realizing if the hip injury is in fact because of knots in my back, doing pushups might also injure my shoulder like last time. So just crunches. It let me focus more on my form though, and I'm still surprised at how poor it is! So I worked on that. My "workout goal" for today is to stretch and massage as often as I can, and see if I can get the pain to go away by tomorrow.
Eating is always a lot harder for me when I have to cut back on my usual exercise. I think it's the sitting around that makes me want to snack. This morning is already weird because my routine is different, but I made myself brush my teeth after breakfast and then sit down to write this instead of reading blogs and nibbling, while Naomi naps. After this, I want to shower and get dressed, and massage a bit. Other than that, eating has continued to go well. Stress isn't the only reason I overeat, but I have been so focused on that the last couple weeks that I didn't notice myself also wanting to eat for some of the other reasons I have dealt with in the past - like boredom. So I had a few days there where hunger and fullness were fuzzy to me, and I felt a little confused about when and how much to eat. I tried to just keep re-focusing on eating normal-sized meals at normal times. A few times I felt really frustrated because I so wanted to just put something in my mouth, but I knew I was not hungry and it wasn't time for a meal or anything. I resorted to chewing gum a couple times, and ice water and doing something absorbing a few other times. Those things worked. And every time, I was so glad later, because after an hour or two, I would be hungry for my next meal! And that was very rewarding. So I'm continuing to try and take steady steps forward, and to hold my ground as sturdily as I can, without giving up because of the fuzzy times or lapses.
Re: sleep. Middle of the night is better now - other than a few nights last week when Naomi was up (and camping of course), I've been able to sleep through. I stopped taking Magnesium supplements about 10 days ago I think, because they were starting to give me nightmares (at least I think it was because of that - that seems to happen after I take any particular thing for sleep, after awhile). I worried I would start waking mid-night again, but I haven't. BUT I've begun waking early every morning, like 5:30 or 6, when Naomi sleeps til at least 6:30 or 7. That stinks. I think with all of these various sleep problems, that my sleep cycle gets disrupted once or twice, and then gets into a rut. I wish I could get out of this rut - I'm not quite sure what to do, since it seems too difficult to go back to sleep for only about 40 minutes. For now I'm just going to try and nap diligently.
Thanks Emily and Kelly for the input about the bladder issue. I think I will send a message to my midwife and ask her about it, and I have begrudgingly begun to do Kegels when I think of it. I do not love my attitude about that, by the way, but this is at least a start. :)
Jess - Yes, I have a couple weight options - 5 lb dumbbells and 3 lb spaghetti jars. :) I also had lighter spaghetti jars but don't really use those anymore. I'd like to get some heavier dumbbells for just one or two of the exercises (at this point), but haven't gotten to it yet. I've been thinking of getting 7 lb dumbbells, because 2lb seems like a good increase to me - so that it's harder but not so hard that I can't do the exercise properly. But then I'm wondering about getting just 2lb dumbbells, which I could hold simultaneously with the 5lb ones, equaling 7lb. And then maybe getting 10lb dumbbells for the really easy exercises. I don't want to end up getting tons and tons of dumbbells, but it seems like, if I can hold two dumbbells in one hand (I know I can at least do two 5's), that combo could get me pretty far - 2lb, 5lb, [7lb], 10lb, [12lb], [15lb]. Or maybe like Katie J, I'll get 3's instead of 2's.
Thanks for describing your surgery and how you got through it mentally! That is helpful to hear about, and I think if I ever had it done, that the Jesus prayer would really help me too! That's a good idea. And I'm glad to know they hold your eyes open (even if that would be a little scary) - stupid as it sounds, I remember thinking, "I just couldn't hold my eyes open! I know I'd blink and then... what would happen??" :)
Katie - That made me so sad to read your story about how you got chronic bursitis. I'm sorry! :( That's great that you've been able to work around it and still be active, while taking care of that. I mentioned on here before about watching my parents age, and seeing some things I want to emulate and others I don't. My dad was a runner and, in denial of a long-term injury, popped Excedrin on an empty stomach for years, so that he could keep running. When we were vacationing on Catalina Island one summer, his stomach finally ruptured and we all had a very very scary night, including blood everywhere and a life-flight helicopter taking him to the mainland to the nearest hospital. While I wish I could have learned this some other way, that experience really taught me that it's not worth it to me to deny injuries or bully them, but to listen to them. Luke is blessed to have a mommy who can model healthy self-care for him!
Kelly - So glad to hear you were able to eat more like you like this last week, and able to get out a lot and exercise. And so happy to hear you are (now less than) a week away from being all together as a family again!
Friday we went camping, and sleep was pretty bad - it was very frustrating that our one set of neighbors arrived very noisily at 10:30 pm, an hour after we'd all turned in; and then our other set of neighbors in a huge RV decided to arrive at 12:30 am, and then let their kids run around, screaming and yelling and laughing while they got their RV and generators (?) all hooked up (no joke - it was awful). But I was awake at 6:30 Saturday morning anyway, and lying in bed in a tent is not very comfortable so I decided to go for a run. I decided to just go out 10 min and turn around since I had no idea of distance. I actually came home 1:30 faster than I went out! That was very encouraging. No crunches/pushups.
Sunday I took off, as usual. But that evening we walked half a mile down to Chipotle for dinner and my hip was hurting me. It felt like my shoulder did a few weeks ago - like a tendon was being rubbed back and forth along a sharp bone or something. That's a bad description but it's the closest I can come up with. I tried stretching my gluts, which helped some, but it kept tightening back up. I am pretty sure it's my back again - sleeping in the tent tweaked my back pretty badly, so maybe that's what messed me up. But I think there are knots that are causing surrounding muscles (this time my gluts/hips) to compensate. Right now I have monthly massages (at least for a few more months - birthday gift), but I am wondering if seeing a chiropractor might be more effective. (Any input on how effective that would be, based on the problems I've described having on here?)
So no running for me today until I can get my hip feeling better. :( I actually am really sad about that, because today should have been a running day... if it were Shred, I don't think I'd feel very sad at all. :) I got down to do make myself do crunches and pushups at least, but at the first push-up I stopped, realizing if the hip injury is in fact because of knots in my back, doing pushups might also injure my shoulder like last time. So just crunches. It let me focus more on my form though, and I'm still surprised at how poor it is! So I worked on that. My "workout goal" for today is to stretch and massage as often as I can, and see if I can get the pain to go away by tomorrow.
Eating is always a lot harder for me when I have to cut back on my usual exercise. I think it's the sitting around that makes me want to snack. This morning is already weird because my routine is different, but I made myself brush my teeth after breakfast and then sit down to write this instead of reading blogs and nibbling, while Naomi naps. After this, I want to shower and get dressed, and massage a bit. Other than that, eating has continued to go well. Stress isn't the only reason I overeat, but I have been so focused on that the last couple weeks that I didn't notice myself also wanting to eat for some of the other reasons I have dealt with in the past - like boredom. So I had a few days there where hunger and fullness were fuzzy to me, and I felt a little confused about when and how much to eat. I tried to just keep re-focusing on eating normal-sized meals at normal times. A few times I felt really frustrated because I so wanted to just put something in my mouth, but I knew I was not hungry and it wasn't time for a meal or anything. I resorted to chewing gum a couple times, and ice water and doing something absorbing a few other times. Those things worked. And every time, I was so glad later, because after an hour or two, I would be hungry for my next meal! And that was very rewarding. So I'm continuing to try and take steady steps forward, and to hold my ground as sturdily as I can, without giving up because of the fuzzy times or lapses.
Re: sleep. Middle of the night is better now - other than a few nights last week when Naomi was up (and camping of course), I've been able to sleep through. I stopped taking Magnesium supplements about 10 days ago I think, because they were starting to give me nightmares (at least I think it was because of that - that seems to happen after I take any particular thing for sleep, after awhile). I worried I would start waking mid-night again, but I haven't. BUT I've begun waking early every morning, like 5:30 or 6, when Naomi sleeps til at least 6:30 or 7. That stinks. I think with all of these various sleep problems, that my sleep cycle gets disrupted once or twice, and then gets into a rut. I wish I could get out of this rut - I'm not quite sure what to do, since it seems too difficult to go back to sleep for only about 40 minutes. For now I'm just going to try and nap diligently.
Thanks Emily and Kelly for the input about the bladder issue. I think I will send a message to my midwife and ask her about it, and I have begrudgingly begun to do Kegels when I think of it. I do not love my attitude about that, by the way, but this is at least a start. :)
Jess - Yes, I have a couple weight options - 5 lb dumbbells and 3 lb spaghetti jars. :) I also had lighter spaghetti jars but don't really use those anymore. I'd like to get some heavier dumbbells for just one or two of the exercises (at this point), but haven't gotten to it yet. I've been thinking of getting 7 lb dumbbells, because 2lb seems like a good increase to me - so that it's harder but not so hard that I can't do the exercise properly. But then I'm wondering about getting just 2lb dumbbells, which I could hold simultaneously with the 5lb ones, equaling 7lb. And then maybe getting 10lb dumbbells for the really easy exercises. I don't want to end up getting tons and tons of dumbbells, but it seems like, if I can hold two dumbbells in one hand (I know I can at least do two 5's), that combo could get me pretty far - 2lb, 5lb, [7lb], 10lb, [12lb], [15lb]. Or maybe like Katie J, I'll get 3's instead of 2's.
Thanks for describing your surgery and how you got through it mentally! That is helpful to hear about, and I think if I ever had it done, that the Jesus prayer would really help me too! That's a good idea. And I'm glad to know they hold your eyes open (even if that would be a little scary) - stupid as it sounds, I remember thinking, "I just couldn't hold my eyes open! I know I'd blink and then... what would happen??" :)
Katie - That made me so sad to read your story about how you got chronic bursitis. I'm sorry! :( That's great that you've been able to work around it and still be active, while taking care of that. I mentioned on here before about watching my parents age, and seeing some things I want to emulate and others I don't. My dad was a runner and, in denial of a long-term injury, popped Excedrin on an empty stomach for years, so that he could keep running. When we were vacationing on Catalina Island one summer, his stomach finally ruptured and we all had a very very scary night, including blood everywhere and a life-flight helicopter taking him to the mainland to the nearest hospital. While I wish I could have learned this some other way, that experience really taught me that it's not worth it to me to deny injuries or bully them, but to listen to them. Luke is blessed to have a mommy who can model healthy self-care for him!
Kelly - So glad to hear you were able to eat more like you like this last week, and able to get out a lot and exercise. And so happy to hear you are (now less than) a week away from being all together as a family again!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Long Post from Katie P
Uh, so I didn't get to reading and responding yesterday as I was needed in Mommy form. Hopefully I'll be able to do that tonight.
Exercise: Ran 2 mi this morning, plus crunches and pushups (I'm back up to 2 sets - 15 and 17, non-girl pushups). Got a short nap.
Eating: Continues to amaze me, this feeling of freedom. It is going so well that I am hesitant to even write about it, out of a faint superstitious belief that it will "all fall apart" if I talk about it out loud. I am almost in disbelief at how often a tall, cold glass of ice water is actually what I needed, when I would have *sworn* 5 minutes before that I was feeling tired because FOOD would be the only thing that would help me! It is also funny to me how quickly that whole big glass of water can be suddenly empty again - I am thirstier than I realized I guess. I find myself feeling surprised that I don't need to eat as much in a day as I thought I did, though I am still figuring out how much I need. I've tried "eating intuitively" before, and this time I am finding that a tad more structure than I used to use helps me - I am eating at mealtimes (rather than completely ignoring the clock and eating whenever hungry), and I'm starting with just a normal meal-sized portion (rather than going bite by bite to see how hungry/full I am).
The latest bend in the road is that today I began to feel a bit unsure about hunger and full. I ate a snack around 4pm (I found at the end of last week that I usually need this in order to get me through to dinner, or else I get too hungry). Then I met up with Daniel at a street market, where we got food. I ordered a tamale that was too small, so went back and ordered 2 more after I ate the first one. After eating the 2nd one, I felt good to go, but I wasn't sure if I should eat the 3rd one. The last two nights, I've felt quite hungry right before bed, so I ate the 3rd one thinking it might help me avoid that. But then I felt full. Then I got home and felt dissatisfied. Was I hungry? Was I just worried? Augh!! Now that I write it out, I think I just got too worried about it all. My stomach can stretch for this reason, and it's ok if sometimes I eat a bit too much, and other times don't eat quite enough. It's not the end of the world, and I shouldn't get so focused on every twinge I feel. I want to build a pattern I can sustain over the long haul, and that has to be flexible. So I'm going to look at tonight as a flex. Those nights I went to bed hungry were fine, and tonight I don't think I'll go to bed hungry and that's probably fine too.
Jess - Thanks for your suggestion about the hammock! I think you'd mentioned that to me before and I'd forgotten it. We actually don't have any string hammocks, only cloth ones, but thankfully the a/c is still working fine (plus it hasn't been quite as hot) so swaddling has been fine.
Thanks also for what you shared about re: beliefs about your writing. Yes it is so freeing to see the trap and then be able to walk around it! It's funny: just yesterday while getting my hair cut, a lady made the off-hand comment, "Don't you just wish you were a baby again - no worries, no responsibilities." (not totally random - Naomi was sitting there :) ) And while on the one hand I totally get this and agree, still more of me feels like, "There is no way in heck I'd like to be a baby again!" Partly because it would mean going through childhood and adolescence all over again, and all that drama, and I'm so glad I don't have to relive high school! :) But partly because maturity is really great and I enjoy it! This being able to see a belief and walk around it is one of those abilities gained through time and experience that I would be very sorry to lose, just for the sake of having less responsibility! No thanks!
I'm so glad your surgery went so well! I think superpower is a great word for it :) It gave me a new and deeper awe of Jesus, going around simply touching eyes and bringing sight, just reading what you wrote - I can't imagine what it must be like for you! It's so funny how connected all our body parts are, that lifting weights can put more strain on the eyes! Makes sense, but interesting. Hearing yet another positive report of Lasik tips my "thinking about it" scale just a bit more... maybe someday I'll do it. I have to admit that one negative thing in my brain is how freaked out I think I would be at having to keep my eyes open during the procedure. Was that a big deal for you? or not?
Amie - Thank you so much for the update on Julie. I'm so sorry she is still in ICU and not getting to cuddle her little one, but so thankful she is still alive! Is her life still at risk, or is it now a matter of salvaging the functioning of as many organs as possible? Your time in MT and your upcoming camping sound crazy to me, but I hope you enjoy it! :) I love Montana - Daniel's brother has lived there for about 6 years, and we've spent a few weeks there before. It's beautiful.
Katie - I smiled when I read your comment about CA homes not having A/C - that IS the nice thing about places like TX or other hot places... because of the incredible heat, they have a/c in every home! Good for you for adapting so that you can still work out, even while you can't get outside. And what a great feeling to see how much stronger you've become (with the Prevention DVD)!
I definitely HATE working out in the evenings. Not only am I more tired physically, but mentally I am winding down for the day and working out isn't exactly relaxing or fun in my mind. I like to work out first thing in the morning because it gets it out of the way, honestly. I think it also boosts me up, and I feel good about the fact that I exercised, which gets me more pumped for the day. Also I love mornings (always smells fresh, cool air, etc) so when I'm exercising outside I enjoy being out in the early morning. But I think your idea about doing workouts during naptime to help yourself with depression feelings and the pull of eating might be a great solution.
Emily - So glad karate is going well, and that you are not pushing yourself to do more. In terms of overall health (including body AND heart/soul/mind), it sounds like you are really nailing it by managing your stress and not trying to do too much.
That's hilarious about "Women at Large"! ha!
Great point about your lack of internet being a blessing because it kept you from "checking out" - I'm glad you mentioned that. I always find that when I give up Internet for a bit, I feel so much better! And yet it always sucks me back in. It's so much like me and sugar, now that I think about it! I feel so much better when I'm not eating sweets (which for me translates into eating them rarely - as opposed to never - but in my head I have to think of it as, "I don't eat sweets," or else I will get sucked into eating them waaaay too often and too much :) ). However, while life without sweets is workable for me, I just don't think life without Internet would work in my home... :) (But I can't put all the blame on my programming husband - I don't want to give it up either!) But it is something for me to think about.
Okay, I just read that your blender broke - WOOHOO!!!!!! :) :) I can't WAIT to come see your Vitamix!! :) :) Ok, now I read the rest of your entry and realized that you aren't sure if you're going to get it. In some ways I don't want to give advice because I don't know your specific financial situation, so maybe it is not a good idea for you guys to get it. But if you're asking for general, fairly uninformed input, I would say get it! I hope this isn't faulty or ungodly reasoning, but I don't think that spending money on pleasurable things is wrong. It can be just as sinful to be fastidious about something as it is to gorge yourself on it - pleasure is meant to be enjoyed but not glorified, and it can be glorified when we attach ourselves too tightly to it and require it, as well as when we focus too much on restricting or forbidding it. My thinking is: this blender will last you for the rest of your life (or a super long time at least), and I am sure you will not only get many many enjoyable "moments" from it, enjoying a smoothie or something else, but also you will be nourishing your family both in body and spirit - those green smoothies are great for them, and I bet they really enjoy them too. So I think it's an investment that is worth it. But again, I don't know your financial situation, and obviously there are plenty of things that should come before pleasure - a family needs food, babies need diapers, you need a car and gas in it, etc. But if there isn't a real, tangible expense or debt that would keep you from buying this, but rather it is just a fear of spending a lot of money on something you will enjoy, I say spit in the face of the temptation to idolize frugality and buy the Vitamix and enjoy it every time you use it!
(...um... hope that was not too strong. I just read a discussion on Facebook about how Christians should not wear shorts to church if they love God and I think it got me a little too fired up when I came to thinking about your Vitamix. So take what I said with a grain of salt. :) )
Yolanda - I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to go through as much transition as it sounds like you have recently gone through (in your academic and family life). That's a lot to swallow and digest and jump into (sorry for mixing my metaphors there, but they all seem appropriate). Good for you for determining to start again, with taking care of your body. You're right about the fact that you and your family will all be glad you did. I think in terms of my own inspiration, once I get in a routine, sticking with the routine just keeps me rolling, but when I get OUT of a routine and need to start again, I have been motivated in the past by looking at a picture of myself from a healthier time. But what's worked more effectively I think is just knowing it's taking me to a place I'd rather be, regardless of what I feel like now, because for me so much of being successful at staying fit and healthy is just doing it, whether I feel like it or not, and this attitude keys into that. I don't know how helpful that will be, but it's what's true for me. Other ideas for motivation: get some gear you enjoy (clothes or shoes or a headband) - it's actually gotten me out of bed in the morning because I was eager to wear my new swimsuit for swimming laps! Or give yourself some treat for working out - maybe a once a week dessert treat, or a luxurious bath or maybe a smaller daily treat. I know of someone who bought small sizes of a really expensive body wash and hair products that she loved but she put them in her gym bag and only let herself use them after she'd worked out as her treat.
Exercise: Ran 2 mi this morning, plus crunches and pushups (I'm back up to 2 sets - 15 and 17, non-girl pushups). Got a short nap.
Eating: Continues to amaze me, this feeling of freedom. It is going so well that I am hesitant to even write about it, out of a faint superstitious belief that it will "all fall apart" if I talk about it out loud. I am almost in disbelief at how often a tall, cold glass of ice water is actually what I needed, when I would have *sworn* 5 minutes before that I was feeling tired because FOOD would be the only thing that would help me! It is also funny to me how quickly that whole big glass of water can be suddenly empty again - I am thirstier than I realized I guess. I find myself feeling surprised that I don't need to eat as much in a day as I thought I did, though I am still figuring out how much I need. I've tried "eating intuitively" before, and this time I am finding that a tad more structure than I used to use helps me - I am eating at mealtimes (rather than completely ignoring the clock and eating whenever hungry), and I'm starting with just a normal meal-sized portion (rather than going bite by bite to see how hungry/full I am).
The latest bend in the road is that today I began to feel a bit unsure about hunger and full. I ate a snack around 4pm (I found at the end of last week that I usually need this in order to get me through to dinner, or else I get too hungry). Then I met up with Daniel at a street market, where we got food. I ordered a tamale that was too small, so went back and ordered 2 more after I ate the first one. After eating the 2nd one, I felt good to go, but I wasn't sure if I should eat the 3rd one. The last two nights, I've felt quite hungry right before bed, so I ate the 3rd one thinking it might help me avoid that. But then I felt full. Then I got home and felt dissatisfied. Was I hungry? Was I just worried? Augh!! Now that I write it out, I think I just got too worried about it all. My stomach can stretch for this reason, and it's ok if sometimes I eat a bit too much, and other times don't eat quite enough. It's not the end of the world, and I shouldn't get so focused on every twinge I feel. I want to build a pattern I can sustain over the long haul, and that has to be flexible. So I'm going to look at tonight as a flex. Those nights I went to bed hungry were fine, and tonight I don't think I'll go to bed hungry and that's probably fine too.
Jess - Thanks for your suggestion about the hammock! I think you'd mentioned that to me before and I'd forgotten it. We actually don't have any string hammocks, only cloth ones, but thankfully the a/c is still working fine (plus it hasn't been quite as hot) so swaddling has been fine.
Thanks also for what you shared about re: beliefs about your writing. Yes it is so freeing to see the trap and then be able to walk around it! It's funny: just yesterday while getting my hair cut, a lady made the off-hand comment, "Don't you just wish you were a baby again - no worries, no responsibilities." (not totally random - Naomi was sitting there :) ) And while on the one hand I totally get this and agree, still more of me feels like, "There is no way in heck I'd like to be a baby again!" Partly because it would mean going through childhood and adolescence all over again, and all that drama, and I'm so glad I don't have to relive high school! :) But partly because maturity is really great and I enjoy it! This being able to see a belief and walk around it is one of those abilities gained through time and experience that I would be very sorry to lose, just for the sake of having less responsibility! No thanks!
I'm so glad your surgery went so well! I think superpower is a great word for it :) It gave me a new and deeper awe of Jesus, going around simply touching eyes and bringing sight, just reading what you wrote - I can't imagine what it must be like for you! It's so funny how connected all our body parts are, that lifting weights can put more strain on the eyes! Makes sense, but interesting. Hearing yet another positive report of Lasik tips my "thinking about it" scale just a bit more... maybe someday I'll do it. I have to admit that one negative thing in my brain is how freaked out I think I would be at having to keep my eyes open during the procedure. Was that a big deal for you? or not?
Amie - Thank you so much for the update on Julie. I'm so sorry she is still in ICU and not getting to cuddle her little one, but so thankful she is still alive! Is her life still at risk, or is it now a matter of salvaging the functioning of as many organs as possible? Your time in MT and your upcoming camping sound crazy to me, but I hope you enjoy it! :) I love Montana - Daniel's brother has lived there for about 6 years, and we've spent a few weeks there before. It's beautiful.
Katie - I smiled when I read your comment about CA homes not having A/C - that IS the nice thing about places like TX or other hot places... because of the incredible heat, they have a/c in every home! Good for you for adapting so that you can still work out, even while you can't get outside. And what a great feeling to see how much stronger you've become (with the Prevention DVD)!
I definitely HATE working out in the evenings. Not only am I more tired physically, but mentally I am winding down for the day and working out isn't exactly relaxing or fun in my mind. I like to work out first thing in the morning because it gets it out of the way, honestly. I think it also boosts me up, and I feel good about the fact that I exercised, which gets me more pumped for the day. Also I love mornings (always smells fresh, cool air, etc) so when I'm exercising outside I enjoy being out in the early morning. But I think your idea about doing workouts during naptime to help yourself with depression feelings and the pull of eating might be a great solution.
Emily - So glad karate is going well, and that you are not pushing yourself to do more. In terms of overall health (including body AND heart/soul/mind), it sounds like you are really nailing it by managing your stress and not trying to do too much.
That's hilarious about "Women at Large"! ha!
Great point about your lack of internet being a blessing because it kept you from "checking out" - I'm glad you mentioned that. I always find that when I give up Internet for a bit, I feel so much better! And yet it always sucks me back in. It's so much like me and sugar, now that I think about it! I feel so much better when I'm not eating sweets (which for me translates into eating them rarely - as opposed to never - but in my head I have to think of it as, "I don't eat sweets," or else I will get sucked into eating them waaaay too often and too much :) ). However, while life without sweets is workable for me, I just don't think life without Internet would work in my home... :) (But I can't put all the blame on my programming husband - I don't want to give it up either!) But it is something for me to think about.
Okay, I just read that your blender broke - WOOHOO!!!!!! :) :) I can't WAIT to come see your Vitamix!! :) :) Ok, now I read the rest of your entry and realized that you aren't sure if you're going to get it. In some ways I don't want to give advice because I don't know your specific financial situation, so maybe it is not a good idea for you guys to get it. But if you're asking for general, fairly uninformed input, I would say get it! I hope this isn't faulty or ungodly reasoning, but I don't think that spending money on pleasurable things is wrong. It can be just as sinful to be fastidious about something as it is to gorge yourself on it - pleasure is meant to be enjoyed but not glorified, and it can be glorified when we attach ourselves too tightly to it and require it, as well as when we focus too much on restricting or forbidding it. My thinking is: this blender will last you for the rest of your life (or a super long time at least), and I am sure you will not only get many many enjoyable "moments" from it, enjoying a smoothie or something else, but also you will be nourishing your family both in body and spirit - those green smoothies are great for them, and I bet they really enjoy them too. So I think it's an investment that is worth it. But again, I don't know your financial situation, and obviously there are plenty of things that should come before pleasure - a family needs food, babies need diapers, you need a car and gas in it, etc. But if there isn't a real, tangible expense or debt that would keep you from buying this, but rather it is just a fear of spending a lot of money on something you will enjoy, I say spit in the face of the temptation to idolize frugality and buy the Vitamix and enjoy it every time you use it!
(...um... hope that was not too strong. I just read a discussion on Facebook about how Christians should not wear shorts to church if they love God and I think it got me a little too fired up when I came to thinking about your Vitamix. So take what I said with a grain of salt. :) )
Yolanda - I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to go through as much transition as it sounds like you have recently gone through (in your academic and family life). That's a lot to swallow and digest and jump into (sorry for mixing my metaphors there, but they all seem appropriate). Good for you for determining to start again, with taking care of your body. You're right about the fact that you and your family will all be glad you did. I think in terms of my own inspiration, once I get in a routine, sticking with the routine just keeps me rolling, but when I get OUT of a routine and need to start again, I have been motivated in the past by looking at a picture of myself from a healthier time. But what's worked more effectively I think is just knowing it's taking me to a place I'd rather be, regardless of what I feel like now, because for me so much of being successful at staying fit and healthy is just doing it, whether I feel like it or not, and this attitude keys into that. I don't know how helpful that will be, but it's what's true for me. Other ideas for motivation: get some gear you enjoy (clothes or shoes or a headband) - it's actually gotten me out of bed in the morning because I was eager to wear my new swimsuit for swimming laps! Or give yourself some treat for working out - maybe a once a week dessert treat, or a luxurious bath or maybe a smaller daily treat. I know of someone who bought small sizes of a really expensive body wash and hair products that she loved but she put them in her gym bag and only let herself use them after she'd worked out as her treat.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Still Alive, Still Working Out
... just busy! Helping with VBS at church this week has thrown my routine off and it's been hard to find time to get on here. The good news is that I have been working out and napping! At least, I did yesterday. I want to today but just now Naomi was definitely not acting like she needed the nap I was hoping she'd want! I'll try again in an hour. (I have not been getting enough sleep.)
I'm back into Workout 3 of Shred... umph. Not quite sure what that sound is, but it seems appropriate. Workout 3 is the toughest for me (surprise surprise - it's the 3rd one! :) ), and I'm not thrilled about doing it again, but I can also appreciate that I am getting a good workout. Today was my first time doing it in a month and was unpleasantly surprised when suddenly I heard Jillian say, "Get down in a plank position for mountain climbers!" Noooo! My nemesis! I had forgotten about those! But I did them - 12 in a row before a step-touch break. I was also able to do all the traveling pushups in the harder position, and the first set of plank rows / leg lifts in the harder position. I did the 2nd set of rows on my knees, but to be honest that first set was not as hard as it was last month, and I should probably at least see how many I can do next time in the harder position, to challenge my body (not let my mind hold me back, which I always do). The fact that they weren't as hard surprised me since I had to back off the upper body work last week. But also I was using lighter weights throughout (3 lb weights, except for the dumbbell cleans, which I do with 10 lb of weight), so that might have helped. If so, I will continue doing that, because I like being able to do the full workout in the harder position even if I'm using smaller weights.
Yesterday I ran again, 2 miles. No time for crunches and pushups before VBS (nor for a shower! ew!) but oh well. Monday I did Workout 2 of Shred. I ran out of time in the morning, but did it in the afternoon when I got home.
Peeing is still problematic. Or rather, peeing is easy (too easy) - holding it while running or bouncing is the problem. I thought for awhile last month that it was getting better, but now it is definitely not better. The "best" proof of this happened just now. I'd walked Naomi down the street in the jog stroller so I could run some errands and by the end she was very hungry (and also sleepy, so I thought), so I decided to jog the half mile home. Problem was, I had NOT just gone to the bathroom (like I usually do RIGHT before I leave for a run), and I had on regular clothes and only minimal "protection". Yeah, I peed my pants. Nice dark shorts that really show wetness. Oh well. Maybe when Naomi weans... Until then, as long as I'm prepared for it, it isn't too big a deal. I guess though it's another one of those body limitations (like what we were talking about a few weeks ago with aging), and it is honestly sort of hard for me to accept. What if it never gets better? What if spontaneously breaking into a run, or doing jumping jacks or any kind of jumping will forever cause me to pee my pants? It kind of makes me sad to feel that limitation in my body and to know that I used to enjoy NOT being limited like that. Of course, it could get better too - I don't know. And of COURSE having Naomi was worth it, but it still makes me sad.
Alright, now to read and respond to y'all.
I'm back into Workout 3 of Shred... umph. Not quite sure what that sound is, but it seems appropriate. Workout 3 is the toughest for me (surprise surprise - it's the 3rd one! :) ), and I'm not thrilled about doing it again, but I can also appreciate that I am getting a good workout. Today was my first time doing it in a month and was unpleasantly surprised when suddenly I heard Jillian say, "Get down in a plank position for mountain climbers!" Noooo! My nemesis! I had forgotten about those! But I did them - 12 in a row before a step-touch break. I was also able to do all the traveling pushups in the harder position, and the first set of plank rows / leg lifts in the harder position. I did the 2nd set of rows on my knees, but to be honest that first set was not as hard as it was last month, and I should probably at least see how many I can do next time in the harder position, to challenge my body (not let my mind hold me back, which I always do). The fact that they weren't as hard surprised me since I had to back off the upper body work last week. But also I was using lighter weights throughout (3 lb weights, except for the dumbbell cleans, which I do with 10 lb of weight), so that might have helped. If so, I will continue doing that, because I like being able to do the full workout in the harder position even if I'm using smaller weights.
Yesterday I ran again, 2 miles. No time for crunches and pushups before VBS (nor for a shower! ew!) but oh well. Monday I did Workout 2 of Shred. I ran out of time in the morning, but did it in the afternoon when I got home.
Peeing is still problematic. Or rather, peeing is easy (too easy) - holding it while running or bouncing is the problem. I thought for awhile last month that it was getting better, but now it is definitely not better. The "best" proof of this happened just now. I'd walked Naomi down the street in the jog stroller so I could run some errands and by the end she was very hungry (and also sleepy, so I thought), so I decided to jog the half mile home. Problem was, I had NOT just gone to the bathroom (like I usually do RIGHT before I leave for a run), and I had on regular clothes and only minimal "protection". Yeah, I peed my pants. Nice dark shorts that really show wetness. Oh well. Maybe when Naomi weans... Until then, as long as I'm prepared for it, it isn't too big a deal. I guess though it's another one of those body limitations (like what we were talking about a few weeks ago with aging), and it is honestly sort of hard for me to accept. What if it never gets better? What if spontaneously breaking into a run, or doing jumping jacks or any kind of jumping will forever cause me to pee my pants? It kind of makes me sad to feel that limitation in my body and to know that I used to enjoy NOT being limited like that. Of course, it could get better too - I don't know. And of COURSE having Naomi was worth it, but it still makes me sad.
Alright, now to read and respond to y'all.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Whew!!
We have air conditioning again!! Oh man, I almost forgot what it could feel like to actually enjoy being in my house! The repairman came today (so glad I suggested Daniel try calling another place after the first place said they could come in SEVEN DAYS - yuck!). So that has really lifted my spirits. Yesterday was my first day back with Daniel home and not working (he works 4 10's, so he gets Fridays off), and I realized how nice it is when he's around to help with Naomi. We spent the day at Barnes & Noble, though, because the house was so miserable. We still swaddle her for naps and it just felt like child abuse to do it in that heat, but thankfully she can nap fairly well in a carrier so walking around B&N was a much cooler nap option.
My shoulder has continued to have zero problems, and I'm so glad. The knots are pretty much gone by now, so I'm still going gentle with upper body stuff. Friday I did Shred Wkt 2 in the morning, and this time I did the arm work, but no weights (except for bicep curls which never bothered the shoulder). I really felt it in my abs/core this time! This morning I jogged with Naomi, and added a half mile to my usual two, which was exciting. I realized on Thursday that I was enjoying it so much more because I was going slower (to take care of my shoulder). My other runs I've been pleased with my speed, but it's not very enjoyable. I want to do better at including both kinds of runs. This morning I tried starting slow and not worrying about speed, but once I warmed up I was feeling good enough to go faster, so I did for the last 2 miles. Then I walked another half mile home. I did crunches (2x30 normal, and 2x30 obliques), and did two sets of girl push-ups - 10 and then 15. That felt fine, which was encouraging, injury-wise.
Another thing that has been really positive for me this week is related to eating. One of my biggest struggles with eating is eating to soothe myself when something goes wrong. A long time ago I heard the idea of consciously doing something other than eating when stressed (like take a bath, read a book, etc), which of course makes a lot of sense, but has always made me angry and I've never been able to do it (?). I think I discovered this week why I get mad. In high school I lost a significant amount of weight, and felt great about my appearance but was lonely and unhappy in general in my life (partly connected to the amount of effort that I was putting into maintaining my weight loss). Ever since then, I've tended to roller-coaster up and down with my weight. There have been a handful of seasons in my life when I have been really free from this roller coaster - not focusing on losing weight but happy with my body, eating to nourish myself and not overindulging a lot. But I've never been able to stay there.
This week I realized that the idea of soothing myself in some way besides eating makes me angry because part of me is afraid that I will head into that spiral again that I was in in high school - that the perfectionist side of me will take over and take me all the way back to that lonely, unhappy place. So I eat in order to "prove" to my perfectionist side that I don't have to do that. Wow! I didn't realize I was doing that, but since I realized that, I've felt a new degree of freedom inside. Kind of like when you consciously recognize something that used to be unconscious, it doesn't have as much power over you. Eating when I'm not hungry does not help me, and although I do want to hold onto that desire to not be that "perfect", lonely person again, now that I am 31 and not 16, I have other ways to do that besides overeating. This week I tried lying down or massaging my back, or drinking ice water, or watching 10 minutes from a movie I like, to relax me. It has been really great!
Oh my gosh. I just realized that I am twice as old as I was when I was 16.
Anyway, I am holding it gently, but I feel excited about this new realization and freedom, and I feel very encouraged about how nice it was this week to actually do things that cared for me when I was stressed rather than eating.
My shoulder has continued to have zero problems, and I'm so glad. The knots are pretty much gone by now, so I'm still going gentle with upper body stuff. Friday I did Shred Wkt 2 in the morning, and this time I did the arm work, but no weights (except for bicep curls which never bothered the shoulder). I really felt it in my abs/core this time! This morning I jogged with Naomi, and added a half mile to my usual two, which was exciting. I realized on Thursday that I was enjoying it so much more because I was going slower (to take care of my shoulder). My other runs I've been pleased with my speed, but it's not very enjoyable. I want to do better at including both kinds of runs. This morning I tried starting slow and not worrying about speed, but once I warmed up I was feeling good enough to go faster, so I did for the last 2 miles. Then I walked another half mile home. I did crunches (2x30 normal, and 2x30 obliques), and did two sets of girl push-ups - 10 and then 15. That felt fine, which was encouraging, injury-wise.
Another thing that has been really positive for me this week is related to eating. One of my biggest struggles with eating is eating to soothe myself when something goes wrong. A long time ago I heard the idea of consciously doing something other than eating when stressed (like take a bath, read a book, etc), which of course makes a lot of sense, but has always made me angry and I've never been able to do it (?). I think I discovered this week why I get mad. In high school I lost a significant amount of weight, and felt great about my appearance but was lonely and unhappy in general in my life (partly connected to the amount of effort that I was putting into maintaining my weight loss). Ever since then, I've tended to roller-coaster up and down with my weight. There have been a handful of seasons in my life when I have been really free from this roller coaster - not focusing on losing weight but happy with my body, eating to nourish myself and not overindulging a lot. But I've never been able to stay there.
This week I realized that the idea of soothing myself in some way besides eating makes me angry because part of me is afraid that I will head into that spiral again that I was in in high school - that the perfectionist side of me will take over and take me all the way back to that lonely, unhappy place. So I eat in order to "prove" to my perfectionist side that I don't have to do that. Wow! I didn't realize I was doing that, but since I realized that, I've felt a new degree of freedom inside. Kind of like when you consciously recognize something that used to be unconscious, it doesn't have as much power over you. Eating when I'm not hungry does not help me, and although I do want to hold onto that desire to not be that "perfect", lonely person again, now that I am 31 and not 16, I have other ways to do that besides overeating. This week I tried lying down or massaging my back, or drinking ice water, or watching 10 minutes from a movie I like, to relax me. It has been really great!
Oh my gosh. I just realized that I am twice as old as I was when I was 16.
Anyway, I am holding it gently, but I feel excited about this new realization and freedom, and I feel very encouraged about how nice it was this week to actually do things that cared for me when I was stressed rather than eating.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Good News
The strain in my shoulder/arm is gone today! The knots are still there in my back, though, and I'm pretty sure now that they were probably there before, and that I strained my shoulder when I did push-ups with the knots, not realizing they were there (compensating for the knotted muscles by overusing something in my shoulder). I am so glad! I was really worried yesterday, as I have injured my shoulder before and it was A PAIN to recover from.
So today I did a jog but not abs or arms. (I wanted to do the abs but never got to it.) I'm not sure what I'll do tomorrow yet. I'm still leery of doing Shred, and I'm not exactly sure when/how to ease back into that. I think I'll wait until the knots are gone, and then wait a couple more days to make sure. Maybe tomorrow I'll do Shred sans arms again. Or another jog or walk perhaps.
The other part of my commitment to my body today was to lie down and use the tennis ball on my back whenever Naomi napped. I have done that to the great relief of my back, along with keeping up with my ibuprofen (first time I've used that in over a year! I knew you shouldn't use it while pregnant and for some reason translated that to nursing as well... =p) The tennis ball has helped so much. It can really dig into the knots, and doing it every few hours has seemed good.
In other news it has been HOT. It's honestly not so bad compared to what other parts of the country get in summers (Texas!!), but we live upstairs and our air conditioning isn't working very well (we just realized), so it gets stuffy and yucky. Now we have to try and figure out what needs fixing. It really makes me appreciate that this kind of weather is only starting now, in mid-July, rather than in April like it usually does! Today Naomi and I met friends at the La Mirada water park, and took a cool bath together just now. That helped a lot.
Amie - how is Julie doing? I've prayed for her as she's come to mind throughout the day. I hope she's ok.
Emily - thanks for the caution. After watching Steph go through all her shoulder drama several years ago, I have more respect for the shoulder joint.
So today I did a jog but not abs or arms. (I wanted to do the abs but never got to it.) I'm not sure what I'll do tomorrow yet. I'm still leery of doing Shred, and I'm not exactly sure when/how to ease back into that. I think I'll wait until the knots are gone, and then wait a couple more days to make sure. Maybe tomorrow I'll do Shred sans arms again. Or another jog or walk perhaps.
The other part of my commitment to my body today was to lie down and use the tennis ball on my back whenever Naomi napped. I have done that to the great relief of my back, along with keeping up with my ibuprofen (first time I've used that in over a year! I knew you shouldn't use it while pregnant and for some reason translated that to nursing as well... =p) The tennis ball has helped so much. It can really dig into the knots, and doing it every few hours has seemed good.
In other news it has been HOT. It's honestly not so bad compared to what other parts of the country get in summers (Texas!!), but we live upstairs and our air conditioning isn't working very well (we just realized), so it gets stuffy and yucky. Now we have to try and figure out what needs fixing. It really makes me appreciate that this kind of weather is only starting now, in mid-July, rather than in April like it usually does! Today Naomi and I met friends at the La Mirada water park, and took a cool bath together just now. That helped a lot.
Amie - how is Julie doing? I've prayed for her as she's come to mind throughout the day. I hope she's ok.
Emily - thanks for the caution. After watching Steph go through all her shoulder drama several years ago, I have more respect for the shoulder joint.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Motivation
Just got done with the shower after a 2-miler and the sit-ups and push-ups. I am still hanging with being able to do 2x20 push-ups and 4x25 sit-ups. Right shoulder felt a bit strained or something today in final set of push-ups (?). Will keep an eye on it.
Monday - Shred Wkt 2 (first day); walked 1 mile w/ baby on back and groceries on return
Sunday - 2-mi run, no stroller. 2x20 p's, 4x25 s's
Saturday - rest, after a night of little sleep
Friday - Shred Wkt 1 (switched w/ Sat's wkt for time reasons)
Thursday - Shred Wkt 1
This weekend Daniel was out of state shooting a wedding. I've always struggled when he's gone overnight, even before we had a baby (it triggers some of my issues), but this was the first time he was away since Naomi was born. Since I've had some emotional meltdowns since she was born, I was pretty nervous about being a single parent for 3 days (even though things have been pretty good for the last month and a half or so). So I went and stayed with my family in San Diego, and even though there were some stresses this caused in itself, I am really glad I did it, just as a safety net for his first time away. I got horrible sleep (he's usually on night duty for pacifier, since I have trouble getting back to sleep), but we made it through and I am so glad he was able to go do what he loves for a few days. (Plus these last 2 nights of sleep have been GREAT!)
On a different subject, I am struggling with motivation. I know I said before that my current motivation is not to lose weight but just to get and stay fit and to try different forms of exercise. Well, that motivation's power is waning. Like it or not, I'm finding that now that I'm about 6 weeks into regular exercise, I honestly feel disappointed at not seeing greater results (I saw and felt some early on in June, but nothing more since then). I'm not all that frustrated with how my body looks or my weight, in and of itself, but I guess I feel like, "If I'm going to be putting in this effort that I'm putting in each day to work out, I deserve to see some change!" If I weren't working out, I think I would not feel discouraged about my body because I wouldn't be expecting to see change. Yolanda, I guess that is sort of what you posted about a couple weeks ago.
I know that I am not trying to modify my diet at all - just eat healthily, try to generally eat when hungry and stop when full, and deal with emotional eating when it crops up. In the past diet is usually what I need to modify if I am going to lose weight - I can exercise and stay at the same weight for forever. I didn't have post-baby weight to lose, I'm just where I started... but that is about 10 pounds more than the weight I like to be at, even if this weight is healthy for me. I do enjoy getting out and being active - the runs are nice, in a way - but it's very DEmotivating to me to still look (in my opinion) like I did 6 weeks ago. So it's like the motivation of just feeling good is shaky under the weight of my discouragement. Also, I'm not sure I want to tinker with my diet, because of the things I've mentioned before - I can get on a weight loss roller coaster but have trouble maintaining and would like to just maintain now, only I'm struggling with being content at this weight.
I'm wondering if I need to just keep doing it but focus elsewhere on other things in my life that bring me joy. I'm not one to really give up on exercise (I can keep eking it out), it's just not necessarily fun or motivating.
Monday - Shred Wkt 2 (first day); walked 1 mile w/ baby on back and groceries on return
Sunday - 2-mi run, no stroller. 2x20 p's, 4x25 s's
Saturday - rest, after a night of little sleep
Friday - Shred Wkt 1 (switched w/ Sat's wkt for time reasons)
Thursday - Shred Wkt 1
This weekend Daniel was out of state shooting a wedding. I've always struggled when he's gone overnight, even before we had a baby (it triggers some of my issues), but this was the first time he was away since Naomi was born. Since I've had some emotional meltdowns since she was born, I was pretty nervous about being a single parent for 3 days (even though things have been pretty good for the last month and a half or so). So I went and stayed with my family in San Diego, and even though there were some stresses this caused in itself, I am really glad I did it, just as a safety net for his first time away. I got horrible sleep (he's usually on night duty for pacifier, since I have trouble getting back to sleep), but we made it through and I am so glad he was able to go do what he loves for a few days. (Plus these last 2 nights of sleep have been GREAT!)
On a different subject, I am struggling with motivation. I know I said before that my current motivation is not to lose weight but just to get and stay fit and to try different forms of exercise. Well, that motivation's power is waning. Like it or not, I'm finding that now that I'm about 6 weeks into regular exercise, I honestly feel disappointed at not seeing greater results (I saw and felt some early on in June, but nothing more since then). I'm not all that frustrated with how my body looks or my weight, in and of itself, but I guess I feel like, "If I'm going to be putting in this effort that I'm putting in each day to work out, I deserve to see some change!" If I weren't working out, I think I would not feel discouraged about my body because I wouldn't be expecting to see change. Yolanda, I guess that is sort of what you posted about a couple weeks ago.
I know that I am not trying to modify my diet at all - just eat healthily, try to generally eat when hungry and stop when full, and deal with emotional eating when it crops up. In the past diet is usually what I need to modify if I am going to lose weight - I can exercise and stay at the same weight for forever. I didn't have post-baby weight to lose, I'm just where I started... but that is about 10 pounds more than the weight I like to be at, even if this weight is healthy for me. I do enjoy getting out and being active - the runs are nice, in a way - but it's very DEmotivating to me to still look (in my opinion) like I did 6 weeks ago. So it's like the motivation of just feeling good is shaky under the weight of my discouragement. Also, I'm not sure I want to tinker with my diet, because of the things I've mentioned before - I can get on a weight loss roller coaster but have trouble maintaining and would like to just maintain now, only I'm struggling with being content at this weight.
I'm wondering if I need to just keep doing it but focus elsewhere on other things in my life that bring me joy. I'm not one to really give up on exercise (I can keep eking it out), it's just not necessarily fun or motivating.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Now I'm Going to Shower...
Blech - I do not like it when I don't go shower right after working out. Now it's been 20 minutes that I've spent sitting here reading blogs and I am still not clean. What is it about that little decision? It is so important! Ok, after this it's on.
Running was great today. I always forget that while I'm running it's not as pleasant, but I think that is also because I am going slightly faster than I used to, and I am pushing a stroller. But I feel great when I'm done and doing something unpleasant for only 4 half-mile straightaways is actually over pretty quickly so I don't have to have that much fortitude. Whenever I'm not running (and am feeling good from said running), I think to myself, "I should increase my mileage!" Whenever I am actually running, I think to myself, "I am so glad I am only going 2 miles today!"
Coming home means the workout is still far from over, because I have to get the stroller folded and in the trunk of the car with one hand (baby in the other hand - bonus points today since a wriggly, spitting up baby is more difficult to manage than a sleeping baby) AND push-ups and sit-ups. Focused on keeping my core solid today during sit-ups (neck straight thru abs), and they were harder. Also, I was surprised today that I was able to eke out all 20 push-ups in a row for both sets. I did have more of a break after running than I did over the weekend (because of putting stroller away, walking upstairs and texting someone a few times). Maybe that helped. But I am also convinced that those last few shaky, super-slow reps actually do something to build strength. Huh.
Also walked a mile yesterday with Naomi in back carrier, doing errands. I love having her on my back rather than my front, and she loves it too because she can see more, so it's a win-win. Daniel worked a long day, so I had a 12-hour mommy shift and was feeling pretty wiped by the end of the day. Add in miscommunication between the two of us, and the fact that this upcoming weekend will be his first weekend out of town since Naomi was born (which makes me sad - missing him - and nervous - single parenting scares me), and I nibbled dried fruit and almonds until bedtime when I was not hungry. Bummer. But on the other hand, before that all day yesterday was good for me, eating-wise. Not perfect, but good and healthy overall (meaning how I ate, not what I ate - what I eat is generally pretty healthy). I was hungry for dinner and actually made a yummy one, and that was neat.
I still feel anxiety about this weekend. I guess the good thing is that it does keep me more connected to God, since I feel more needy. But feeling needy sure isn't fun.
Running was great today. I always forget that while I'm running it's not as pleasant, but I think that is also because I am going slightly faster than I used to, and I am pushing a stroller. But I feel great when I'm done and doing something unpleasant for only 4 half-mile straightaways is actually over pretty quickly so I don't have to have that much fortitude. Whenever I'm not running (and am feeling good from said running), I think to myself, "I should increase my mileage!" Whenever I am actually running, I think to myself, "I am so glad I am only going 2 miles today!"
Coming home means the workout is still far from over, because I have to get the stroller folded and in the trunk of the car with one hand (baby in the other hand - bonus points today since a wriggly, spitting up baby is more difficult to manage than a sleeping baby) AND push-ups and sit-ups. Focused on keeping my core solid today during sit-ups (neck straight thru abs), and they were harder. Also, I was surprised today that I was able to eke out all 20 push-ups in a row for both sets. I did have more of a break after running than I did over the weekend (because of putting stroller away, walking upstairs and texting someone a few times). Maybe that helped. But I am also convinced that those last few shaky, super-slow reps actually do something to build strength. Huh.
Also walked a mile yesterday with Naomi in back carrier, doing errands. I love having her on my back rather than my front, and she loves it too because she can see more, so it's a win-win. Daniel worked a long day, so I had a 12-hour mommy shift and was feeling pretty wiped by the end of the day. Add in miscommunication between the two of us, and the fact that this upcoming weekend will be his first weekend out of town since Naomi was born (which makes me sad - missing him - and nervous - single parenting scares me), and I nibbled dried fruit and almonds until bedtime when I was not hungry. Bummer. But on the other hand, before that all day yesterday was good for me, eating-wise. Not perfect, but good and healthy overall (meaning how I ate, not what I ate - what I eat is generally pretty healthy). I was hungry for dinner and actually made a yummy one, and that was neat.
I still feel anxiety about this weekend. I guess the good thing is that it does keep me more connected to God, since I feel more needy. But feeling needy sure isn't fun.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Back At It
Friday - Day 3: Shred Workout 1
Saturday - 2.2-mile run, 2x50 sit-ups (each set = 25 center, 25 rotating side to side), 2x20 push-ups (could only do 20 and 17). I forgot to note before that I did the sit-ups and push-ups on Thursday too.
Sunday - rest
Monday - 2.2-mile run, sit-ups, push-ups (this time did 19, 15 and 3 on the push-ups - really tough! I could not finish each set, so just took a rest and did the final 3 to make a total of 40)
Today I did Workout 1 again, for Day 6 of the month (modified: half of the 2nd set of pushups on knees; used dumbbells on all the cardio, not just final set). It definitely felt harder. Still using the 5-lb weights throughout, although I forgot to mention before that on the anterior raises + side lunges I only use one weight for both hands (and it STILL kills my shoulders!)
We were out of town over the weekend, and I found that I really loved that my morning has jelled into a routine (wake-up, nurse, workout, shower, breakfast). Normally when I'm visiting my family I tend to stay in my pajamas for so long in the morning that, although it's relaxing at first, eventually it makes me feel sluggish and almost always, the rest of the day feels lethargic and not as satisfying because I'm just kind of lounging my way through the day. I like relaxing, but I tend to OD on it when visiting my fam, and too much of anything is yucky. This time I stuck to my morning routine and I felt like it balanced things out more.
I saw some cyclists over the weekend and man did it make me miss cycling! That would be a fun thing to work back into a workout schedule somehow, but I'm not sure when that will be feasible.
Also, I wanted to mention that eating went great over the weekend. The situation I was anxious about went really well - I was able to stay planted internally and not get triggered.
Jess - that's an interesting thing to ponder, about our bodies someday aging. I don't spend much time thinking about it, but I think it will be tough. I know I grieved a lot after Naomi was first born (and when I was sick) because there was so much I could no longer do - and it wasn't like it was bad stuff, it was GOOD stuff! And I couldn't do it. I do sometimes look at Daniel's and my parents, watching them as they age. In the last several years, I've heard each of them talk about it more (they are all in or approaching their 60's). I've observed several different ways of handling that transition, and definitely see some things I do not want to do, and some things I hope and pray I can do. I've seen denial (a strong back-turn to pretend like s/he is half his age and mask the aging process), premature resignation (abandoning attempts to continue doing some healthy things because "I'm just getting old anyway") - I'm not quite sure which of these two responses makes me more sad. But I've also seen modeled a struggle that is somewhere in between - acceptance, but still (a reasonable amount of) fighting to stay as strong and healthy as s/he can. I hope I can do that last one - grief with acceptance, and embracing some of the new joys that come with aging (like wisdom, grandchildren, more time for yourself or others now that your kids are grown, etc). I do think that some things (like having a new heavenly body) can reassure us if we intellectually accept them, even if we don't fully "get" it yet.
Also, thanks for the tip on the side lunges! I'll try that. I did find this morning that straightening my other leg fully seemed to help with the twisting I think I was doing.
Katie - I know exactly what you mean about it being harder to care for yourself if you've already "blown" it. This is one way I see my inner critical voice, and how it can perpetuate some things like overeating. I'm so sorry to hear about your teeth problems, and I hope you're able to get some relief soon.
Now I hear what sounds like a cute puppy whimpering over the monitor, meaning Naomi is awake and REALLY wants to play. Better go :)
Saturday - 2.2-mile run, 2x50 sit-ups (each set = 25 center, 25 rotating side to side), 2x20 push-ups (could only do 20 and 17). I forgot to note before that I did the sit-ups and push-ups on Thursday too.
Sunday - rest
Monday - 2.2-mile run, sit-ups, push-ups (this time did 19, 15 and 3 on the push-ups - really tough! I could not finish each set, so just took a rest and did the final 3 to make a total of 40)
Today I did Workout 1 again, for Day 6 of the month (modified: half of the 2nd set of pushups on knees; used dumbbells on all the cardio, not just final set). It definitely felt harder. Still using the 5-lb weights throughout, although I forgot to mention before that on the anterior raises + side lunges I only use one weight for both hands (and it STILL kills my shoulders!)
We were out of town over the weekend, and I found that I really loved that my morning has jelled into a routine (wake-up, nurse, workout, shower, breakfast). Normally when I'm visiting my family I tend to stay in my pajamas for so long in the morning that, although it's relaxing at first, eventually it makes me feel sluggish and almost always, the rest of the day feels lethargic and not as satisfying because I'm just kind of lounging my way through the day. I like relaxing, but I tend to OD on it when visiting my fam, and too much of anything is yucky. This time I stuck to my morning routine and I felt like it balanced things out more.
I saw some cyclists over the weekend and man did it make me miss cycling! That would be a fun thing to work back into a workout schedule somehow, but I'm not sure when that will be feasible.
Also, I wanted to mention that eating went great over the weekend. The situation I was anxious about went really well - I was able to stay planted internally and not get triggered.
Jess - that's an interesting thing to ponder, about our bodies someday aging. I don't spend much time thinking about it, but I think it will be tough. I know I grieved a lot after Naomi was first born (and when I was sick) because there was so much I could no longer do - and it wasn't like it was bad stuff, it was GOOD stuff! And I couldn't do it. I do sometimes look at Daniel's and my parents, watching them as they age. In the last several years, I've heard each of them talk about it more (they are all in or approaching their 60's). I've observed several different ways of handling that transition, and definitely see some things I do not want to do, and some things I hope and pray I can do. I've seen denial (a strong back-turn to pretend like s/he is half his age and mask the aging process), premature resignation (abandoning attempts to continue doing some healthy things because "I'm just getting old anyway") - I'm not quite sure which of these two responses makes me more sad. But I've also seen modeled a struggle that is somewhere in between - acceptance, but still (a reasonable amount of) fighting to stay as strong and healthy as s/he can. I hope I can do that last one - grief with acceptance, and embracing some of the new joys that come with aging (like wisdom, grandchildren, more time for yourself or others now that your kids are grown, etc). I do think that some things (like having a new heavenly body) can reassure us if we intellectually accept them, even if we don't fully "get" it yet.
Also, thanks for the tip on the side lunges! I'll try that. I did find this morning that straightening my other leg fully seemed to help with the twisting I think I was doing.
Katie - I know exactly what you mean about it being harder to care for yourself if you've already "blown" it. This is one way I see my inner critical voice, and how it can perpetuate some things like overeating. I'm so sorry to hear about your teeth problems, and I hope you're able to get some relief soon.
Now I hear what sounds like a cute puppy whimpering over the monitor, meaning Naomi is awake and REALLY wants to play. Better go :)
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
workout
Yesterday, I ran 4.3 miles.
Today, I did a 30 minute Pilates workout (abs, hips and buns) plus 5 sets of girl pushups (only 4-6 pushups per set).
I am trying to build up a wee bit more upper body strength through the pushups. My lower body is pretty strong right now, but my arms are pitifully weak. I don't know how long the pushups will last, though, because I must confess I don't really care all that much about how my arms look and find that with strong legs, I can lift almost anything I would want to. This new attempt is more based on Jesse laughing at me last week because I couldn't do one regular pushup!!!!
Glad you enjoyed the yoga workout, Emily. I have read that the benefit of yoga is how it makes you more conscientious of your body. The workouts themselves do not burn a ton of calories, but the effect it has on your mind and body carries over into your general lifestyle...and that is what leads to weight loss.
And, frankly, the real point of exercise (I think) is to put you in touch with your body and help you feel good about your body. Whatever exercise does that for you is a good exercise. Jesse is a big fan of yoga, himself (albeit, a sporadic one!).
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