Tuesday, July 13, 2010


Just got done with the shower after a 2-miler and the sit-ups and push-ups. I am still hanging with being able to do 2x20 push-ups and 4x25 sit-ups. Right shoulder felt a bit strained or something today in final set of push-ups (?). Will keep an eye on it.

Monday - Shred Wkt 2 (first day); walked 1 mile w/ baby on back and groceries on return

Sunday - 2-mi run, no stroller. 2x20 p's, 4x25 s's

Saturday - rest, after a night of little sleep

Friday - Shred Wkt 1 (switched w/ Sat's wkt for time reasons)

Thursday - Shred Wkt 1

This weekend Daniel was out of state shooting a wedding. I've always struggled when he's gone overnight, even before we had a baby (it triggers some of my issues), but this was the first time he was away since Naomi was born. Since I've had some emotional meltdowns since she was born, I was pretty nervous about being a single parent for 3 days (even though things have been pretty good for the last month and a half or so). So I went and stayed with my family in San Diego, and even though there were some stresses this caused in itself, I am really glad I did it, just as a safety net for his first time away. I got horrible sleep (he's usually on night duty for pacifier, since I have trouble getting back to sleep), but we made it through and I am so glad he was able to go do what he loves for a few days. (Plus these last 2 nights of sleep have been GREAT!)

On a different subject, I am struggling with motivation. I know I said before that my current motivation is not to lose weight but just to get and stay fit and to try different forms of exercise. Well, that motivation's power is waning. Like it or not, I'm finding that now that I'm about 6 weeks into regular exercise, I honestly feel disappointed at not seeing greater results (I saw and felt some early on in June, but nothing more since then). I'm not all that frustrated with how my body looks or my weight, in and of itself, but I guess I feel like, "If I'm going to be putting in this effort that I'm putting in each day to work out, I deserve to see some change!" If I weren't working out, I think I would not feel discouraged about my body because I wouldn't be expecting to see change. Yolanda, I guess that is sort of what you posted about a couple weeks ago.

I know that I am not trying to modify my diet at all - just eat healthily, try to generally eat when hungry and stop when full, and deal with emotional eating when it crops up. In the past diet is usually what I need to modify if I am going to lose weight - I can exercise and stay at the same weight for forever. I didn't have post-baby weight to lose, I'm just where I started... but that is about 10 pounds more than the weight I like to be at, even if this weight is healthy for me. I do enjoy getting out and being active - the runs are nice, in a way - but it's very DEmotivating to me to still look (in my opinion) like I did 6 weeks ago. So it's like the motivation of just feeling good is shaky under the weight of my discouragement. Also, I'm not sure I want to tinker with my diet, because of the things I've mentioned before - I can get on a weight loss roller coaster but have trouble maintaining and would like to just maintain now, only I'm struggling with being content at this weight.

I'm wondering if I need to just keep doing it but focus elsewhere on other things in my life that bring me joy. I'm not one to really give up on exercise (I can keep eking it out), it's just not necessarily fun or motivating.

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